I need some advice. I'm 64 and look for a customer-facing position in tech B2B SaaS. I have about 50% grey hair. To me, it isn't a pretty combination. It's at a weird middle stage. Celebrate it? Dye it? Partly dye it? I'm not a hair and makeup kind of person. I am getting lots of different advice, and I'm ready for more! Please let me know your thoughts.
Grey Hair - The New Cool or Fodder for Ageism?
Morgan·Jun 12Morgan·Jun 12If you don't like it anyway, what's the harm in changing it to something you enjoy?
Go with that feels right to you. Hair is such a personal choice. If a company would decide against you because you have grey hair - is it a place you want to work? I say this while being someone that likes grey hair, has grey hair and loves seeing people embrace it!
This! Knowing what feels authentic to you, embracing yourself as you are AND doing what you want...... The best!
If you aren’t comfortable with it, you can have a stylist take you all-gray or lighten the non-gray parts to blend them. I think a good haircut will overcome the mix. I tried going natural (no color) during the pandemic. My hair grew in blonde anyway. Your hair may not be there yet.
I do think grey hair can look really cool with the right haircut, attitude and styling. However, if you want to dye it, maybe give semi-permanent dye a go? You will not damage your hair that way and it is easier to maintain the roots. Brands like John Frieda does this type of shampoo, or you can mix semi-permanent dye with hair conditioner and just let it sit like a hair mask.
Perhaps look up women you think are attractive/look good and who are post 55 or so (not just women in tech but really across the board) and then go to a hair stylist to get some advice on what could look good for you? It doesn’t have to include dyeing but if you don’t love what it looks now, like @MorganLucas said, sounds like you could use a change ;)
Yea very personal. Also agree with doing what’s right for you. I am 41, went gray naturally, have these (what I think are cool) gray streaks…BUT I am now likely to dye my hair. I’m pregnant and feeling like I need to do something to feel more pulled together bc I don’t feel fit and in shape like I normally do. It’s all about what makes you feel good.
Celebrate it and consider adding in even more silver highlights as you transition to grey!Or, dye it but do a fun color that's totally different, more creative instead of trying to blend to your natural color from before the greys.
If it makes you feel better, I, and many other people pay a lot of money to have grey hair. People like Claire Saffitz and Stacy London had iconic grey streaks that audiences adored. I find what is frustrating about natural grey is the texture change that frequently comes with it. Deep masques and conditioners can really help with that.Plus, on a somewhat depressing but very valid note, people all over the globe have been going through a constant state of extreme stress for an extended period. This leads to very young people going grey, I know several in their 20s who have salt and pepper. It is your hair and your body. Do what will give you confidence, but please don’t feel pressured to change.
Yep. I personally like grey hair but mine is stringy (and I've had it since I was 13...I'm 31 😶)
If you don't like it, that's all that matters. If it makes sense for you to go full silver, that could look cool and or, you could try something fun with it! On a side note, this group might be a great place to talk about your next stage in career! https://bit.ly/Forum-BFS50
Do what makes you feel good. I used to color my hair (in my 40s) to push it more red (naturally dark brown). But once I started getting gray glints at my part, I stopped coloring. My hair grows FAST, and having to sit in the chair for a few hours every 5 weeks for cut & color was too much. (I dislike the demarcation of colored/uncolored at roots.) Now, at 66, I’ve got a lovely white streak in front w/salty highlights on top layers. And I only sit in chair 1 hour every 5 weeks for a cut.
Question would be why do you think it's not a pretty combination? My thoughts I do have grey hair myself I am 32 and I love it a lot to be honest, I have had it since high school inherited from my mother who has had hers since she was 35 years old but now she's in her late 60's sometimes she dyes it for fun. To be honest I feel like it's the new cool, I see people making wigs with that color style or braids.At the end of the day I feel like you should ask yourself the question why do I feel like it's not a good combination? do whats best for you because you know how you wanna look and what you are comfortable with.
I'll address part of what I suspect is more the underlying question: I don't know how much dyeing the hair will mitigate the ageism and sexism (and any other discriminations that play a role). The discrimination around what who is and isn't "professional" for customer facing jobs is a moving target. If this is the question you're trying to answer, I don't think there's a clear cut answer, as beauty scripts vary widely. If this is more about addressing your own internal beauty script, I'll echo others: do what feels good. Accepting an aging and changing body can be hard. We all have mental images of our "best" bodies and appearances. When have you last updated this view? Are you still trying to bring back your 20's or even 40's? What's beautiful on you now? Grey (and white) hair requires a different level of care. It's generally the opposite texture and requires different care - my original hair was very thick and did well with Shea products. Aging means all the strands are different - I have a mix of very dark hair (original), fading, grey, and white hair. Mine is well past the 50% mark and and mixed. It now does better with coconut and amla products. If you do not yet have a hair professional, really consider it - especially if you favor low maintenance (I do too). Get opinions on what you should do with you hair if you keep it grey and what other options to consider (glazing, coloring, highlights, etc). You may try temporary versions of these. Purple shampoos can also work wonders, but chemical profiles and effectiveness of these vary widely. Whatever you do, I hope you shine.
I’ve used my grays as an opportunity to do super fun color hair! I’d experimented with fun hair colors (like purple!) in the past but I naturally have dark brown hair so I had to spend lots of money and time stripping my hair before dying, etc. bleach it which was a pain. Now I use Overtone which is a semi permanent dye that I do myself at home (that also makes my hair feel great!) The gray takes the purple super well and the brown takes some of it too but differently. It ends up looking really cool and people are always surprised to hear I do it myself!
Same here, am leaving mine and celebrating it. My mother had fantastic grey hair so I am hoping mine would be the same. Finding a job in tech is tough at the moment and it seems that unless you are a 30 year old white male (despite company's claims on diversity) you aren't getting in. You are never going to be a 30 year old white male so just be you, do you what makes you happy.Good luck with the search
I never thought this question would generate such a response, and a very thoughtful one to be sure. Thank you very much, everyone. You've given me a lot to think about and I feel very supported in whatever choice I make. I appreciate that you took the time to consider this!
The previous reply was not Karima83. It was the original sender (me).
Dye it. Honestly battling ageism while looking for a new position means don’t give them a reason to not hire you. It fills me with anger to have to do it but I dye it
Started going grey while in high school (and began dying it immediately). Fast-forward 30+ years and I finally gave up the coloring bottle BUT have mixed feelings. On one hand, My mom has gorgeous hair and I was fortunate to come away with my own healthy, silver-white facsimile that generates of compliments from people across all the spectrums: younger, older, hip, nerdy, fashionable, etc... My scalp is noticeably healthier, too, as is my bank account and calendar (no more 3+ hours salon appointments every 3 weeks). But, I do get the frequent whiff of ageism. It comes with the territory I suppose. So don't be surprised to let sneaking suspicions of ageism creep in. You wouldn't be crazy to imagine it, nor alone. It's not right, but it's real. All said, I love Bridget Cogley's insight and counsel to focus on your own beauty script above everything. Draw confidence from what makes you feel beautiful, and you'll shine brighter than anything anyone else might project on you. *Oh and I'm a big fan of Olaplex sulfate-free toning purple shampoo. I use it once a week. Really brightens the hair without stripping it.
I agree with many of the other posts. You should do what you are comfortable with. Being comfortable in your own skin is what gives people true confidence. If any company doesn't want to hire you because you have grey hair I would be hesitant about working there since that says a lot about the company.My hair has been very weird since the 4th grade. I have strands of hair that go from black to grey then black again. I have other strands that go from different colors. For example, I have one that was white then it went to red then brown and back to white again. When I was in college, I tried dying my hair. I eventually got tired of having to dye it every so often so I stopped and decided to embrace it. Now I have streaks of grey all over my hair, but I don't mind it. I like to think my hair gives a vibe similar to Rogue's hair from the X-Men comics.
I am nearly 29 now and I got grey hair due to the stress of my parents divorcing after 28 years of marriage, me being financially broke during lockdown. I swear the moment the divorce was announced my hair aged like ten years, even though I am 29. Grief and depression can really cause you to have grey hairs at adulthood. I was planning to dye it purple, till my stylist said that the grey hairs can be hidden with black dye, which is my natural hair color. Till I can afford to have my hair professionally dyed, I just leave it as it is or partly dye it for box dye. After my 40s I am just planning to dye it purple and grey. Just my preference, I come from a culture where grey hair is appreciated and looked at as a sign of respect. So I don't mind if you have grey hair and wrinkles, its all part of aging. As long as you do the job and get it done, hair should not be a problem. Just embrace that you are way cooler than us. Our generation has duck faced selfies, stanley cups etc. You guys did more dangerous and fun stuff in your teens than us. And lived through the best times. And had the best styles. You have decades of fun stuff, crazy stories, lessons learned and probably lived through a lot of craziness. That's more valuable than hair.You're not in a middle age. You've gone through a fair share of stuff in life, and it's great being 64. Just share the cool stories. And the crazy stuff with me. That's all matters.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Since my original post, many people have offered their advice and, in person, my friends have told me they like the grey. I'm not in a position to get and maintain professional colorings, so the box from the store is sitting on my bathroom vanity waiting for me to make a decision. I'll let you know what happens. Thanks again for your response!
Also, thank you everyone for your advice and your stories. There has been an amazing response to this question and it's clear that appearance is a concern in a job search, which almost certainly means it is a factor in a job search. With what I hear about how some people show up for in-person interviews, I would think that if you're clean, hair combed, and dressed reasonably for the position, they should hire you on the spot! I heard about one applicant who showed up in her pajamas! I know we all have better things to worry about than our hair, but there it is. Thank you again and, job seekers, best of luck!
It depends on your personal preferences and comfort level, but I say dye it a fun color, embrace it! A good stylist will give you options beyond dyeing it to “hide it”. Definitely depends on the culture at your work too. I love seeing women embrace their gray or accent it with something different.
I'm just finishing a book that talks about this precise topic and much more about how society treats women past 30.It's called "In Defence of Witches: Why women are still on trial", by Mona CholletI highly, highly recommend the read. https://g.co/kgs/MPm2jdoFrom a witch friend :)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CAhGySYpE6b/I came across this post on Instagram a few years back and saved it because I thought the grey colouring was stunning. If you check out the rest of his feed, you'll see this colourist does a lot of of grey colouring around complementing the natural grey and stage of your hair.I'm not at the phase of life where I need this service yet, but I loved what I saw. When I do reach this part of my life and if I feel I don't like how the natural grey is coming through I want to go this route as it feels more authentic and celebratory to accentuate the new stage rather than hide it. ... then when/if I go all grey, I might go a little crazy with bright/light hair colours for fun as that's a bit tricky with dark hair right now (and I don't want to damage it by bleaching). 🤩
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