How long have you been putting off that difficult conversation?
You know the one. It will be uncomfortable, awkward, or maybe a little scary, so you’ve been avoiding the conflict.
The truth is, your success in life is proportional to the number of difficult conversations you’re willing to have.
As women in leadership roles or those aspiring to be leaders, we often find ourselves in situations where difficult conversations are necessary. Whether it's addressing a team member's underperformance, navigating challenging colleagues, or dealing with a dysfunctional line manager relationship.
These conversations can be daunting. I get it.
I used to be like most people and avoid uncomfortable conversations like the plague, bury my head in the sand, or go in all guns blazing. I’d take things personally, let emotions take over or have the need to be right and win.
Please, for the love of your career, your relationships, and your sanity, don’t do those things! They get you nowhere. Instead, they leave you stressed, anxious, or stuck exactly where you are, crippled with self-doubt, low confidence, and feeling exhausted.
I Believe Avoiding Conflict Manufactures Fake Peace
I soon learned that avoiding conflict doesn’t magically resolve the situation. Instead, it creates a false sense of calm and harmony while underlying issues fester and grow in the uncertainty.
For many, the long-term impact creates strained relationships, builds resentment, and suppressed frustrations can even manifest in health issues from constantly dodging uncomfortable discussions.
The avoidance can feel like carrying a weight around, a burden that grows heavier with time. Lifting that burden off brings a sense of relief and freedom. This affects not only our professional lives but our personal well-being too.
Great leaders don’t shy away from these difficult conversations. They find the courage to face conflict head-on, knowing that tackling issues directly is essential to making progress.
80% is Down to Mindset
Before worrying about how to approach a difficult conversation, first focus on the intention behind your communication. I believe the intention should be to:
- Increase transparency.
- Align expectations.
When you communicate with these two goals in mind, it sets a positive tone from the start.
One of the biggest obstacles in difficult conversations is the negative assumptions we make. We often predict how the other person will react, what they’ll say, and how the entire conversation will unfold. These assumptions are usually wrong and can get in the way of constructive communication.
Our assumptions and beliefs shape the outcome. So why not choose instead to believe something positive? Trust that the other person is open to dialogue and that more is possible than you realise.
A positive mindset can get you 80% of the way there. By shifting your mindset, you can fundamentally change the dynamics of the conversation.
5 Practical Strategies for the Other 20%
While a positive mindset lays the foundation, practical strategies help you navigate the conversation effectively. Here are five strategies that can transform how you handle difficult conversations:
1. Ask open-ended questions to understand the other person’s perspective.
Questions like "Can you tell me more about how you see this situation?" or "What does that mean to you?" encourage the other person to share their viewpoint. It shows you’re genuinely interested in understanding their side, which can lead to more productive conversations.
2. Use “I” statements to express your experiences and feelings.
Avoid accusatory language. Instead of saying, "You never listen to me," try, "I feel unheard when my suggestions are overlooked." “I” statements focus on your experiences and feelings (so no one can say you’re wrong), and reduce defensiveness in the other person because they’re not under attack. It creates space for open dialogue.
3. Approach the situation as a puzzle rather than a problem.
Problems can seem overwhelming and insurmountable. Puzzles, however, always have a solution. Framing the conversation as a collaborative effort to solve a puzzle dials down the emotion, and makes the interaction less confrontational and more solution-focused. It encourages both parties to work together to achieve an outcome.
4. Believe the other person is at least 10% right.
This simple mindset shift can make a massive difference. When you acknowledge that the other person might be at least 10% right, you open yourself up to new ways of thinking and insights. It creates a sense of mutual respect and willingness to find a middle ground.
5. Let go of the need to win.
Enter the conversation with the aim to understand and make progress rather than to win. When you focus on winning, you create a competitive environment. Instead, try to understand the other person's perspective and find common ground. This collaborative approach leads to better outcomes.
The Takeaway
Great leaders tackle difficult conversations head-on with courage, a positive mindset, and effective communication strategies.
By practising these, you'll find facing difficult conversations becomes less daunting. Addressing issues directly and constructively leads to better relationships, creates real peace, and drives success in your career and personal life.
I know it works because after learning this myself, I’ve helped many women do the same.
Including where clients have avoided issues for over 12 months, resolved in just ONE conversation! It really can make a difference, fast.
Are You Up for a Challenge?
If you found this helpful, I invite you to:
- Identify one difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding.
- Commit to finally dealing with it.
- Use these tips to feel empowered to handle it more effectively.
It’s OK to feel anxious, you’re not alone. Many people share those fears and have successfully navigated these challenges by using this approach.
Remember, your success is proportional to the number of difficult conversations you’re willing to have. Embrace them, and watch yourself grow across all areas of your life.
Please share if you’re taking up the challenge and how it goes!
