What do I do if I don't trust my travel partner? (half vent/half advice-seeking)
UPDATE 22/07/21I'm overwhelmed by the kindness and usefulness of these responses. I wanted to provide an update on what happened for the people who originally replied to this post and for anyone who might be or will be in a similar situation.This is what went down. This guy leaves for Munich with a stopover in Portugal. He goes a lot of places in Portugal, to the bars etc. He gets to Munich the day before I arrive and smokes at a hooka bar. When I get to Munich - at 1 am the next night (all of the Portuguese immigration officials decided to go on strike, so I waited 5 hours in line on what was supposed to be a 3-hour layover and missed my connection - long story) he seems extremely tired and doesn't wake up when I come into the room. The next day, he has a headache (he eats up my tylenol) and is in bed all day....In nothing but his underwear. I go out and explore Munich, have a great time visiting the parks, stumbling upon the Schloss Nymphenburg. By myself, of course. Munich is an extremely safe and friendly city and I wish I could've been there longer. I figure that I could get away with at least ignoring this kid.I go out with this kid to get sim cards and he's spitting on the ground every 5 seconds, making jokes about Nazis, making fun of german accents....extremely disrespectful. He's not wearing the right mask on public transit (he's wearing a surgical mask when on transit wearing a FFP2 is required) and he'd habitually pulling it away from his face. Incredibly unhygienic. I tell him to cut it out, to respect the rules and the culture (especially the spitting — is there really any place spitting is not disrespectful in the US/Europe? During a pandemic?), but choose to ignore it. We head to a town in the Dolomites. And.....He's in bed all day. All he does is wake up at night to go to the bar by the train station. And...He's wearing nothing but the same pair of boxers (playstation 3 boxers, if you want to know the vibe) he's been wearing for 3 days. I paid for half-pension and he doesn't even show up to dinner. The maitre d' eventually just sets the plates at my table for one. He starts talking about buying cigarettes and I crack. I realize he'd been lying to me about smoking — he'd said the previous day he'd quit (I didn't know what Hooka actually was!!). I tell him that what he'd been doing was disrespectful and unsanitary. He tells me that I'm trying to control him because I think it's fun. Lol.At 11pm that night (I'm in bed by 9, having hiked a beautiful mountain that day, alone) he starts searching through my stuff for the room key. So he can go to the bar. I argue with him, why didn't he just eat the dinner I paid for him etc. etc. Get called vicious. I decide to ditch him. I did not want this trip to be about him. I don't want to be on a babysitting assignment. I book a hostel in another beautiful, charming town in the Dolomites. Probably one of my favorite places in the world. I tell him to book his own train ticket to Verona, and he leaves at 6am. And then I wake up with a terrible runny nose. I figure I have a cold, the cold he seemed to have. We're both fully vaccinated. I'm almost certain I have a cold, but I sign up for a COVID test anyways. Just in case.I get to this charming, beautiful town and take the test. Positive. I can't believe it. I'm told it's probably a variant. The pharmacist is completely unsure of what to do ("so now you go home.....maybe???"). Vaccinated Americans seldom get positive COVID tests in small-town Italy. I shuffle to the hostel, shaken. I tell them the results and they put me the only place they can — a utility closet. But the woman running the hostel is incredibly kind and generous and brings me way too much presumably delicious food, checks in, anything I need. But unfortunately, I couldn't taste the food! The public health authorities contact me and tell me I will be moved to a government facility. I tell them about this guy, given that he'd literally been sleeping in the same room as me and he had symptoms (not to mention the number of bars/clubs he's been to...). I get taken to this facility in an ambulance, there's no wifi (until today thank goodness!), yada yada yada. But the food is good, my symptoms have resolved, and my taste is back! Not to mention how I have a whole quiet room to myself :).So yes, I'm being quarantined in an Italian government facility (a hotel on a military base!) until I test negative. Hopefully this will be soon. My mother rallied a bunch of her friends together to spam me cat photos (I love cats). She says I've been holding up with this quarantine situation better than she would. My relationship with her has improved a lot. She's completely okay with me traveling solo now, having seen me get through a series of "disasters" on this trip and come out unscathed. Today I found out he's been flouting the "close contact" quarantine requirements (staying in a hostel room with 8 people....), never got tested, etc. I've told the Italian public health authorities, give contacts of the places he's staying at, and my doctor at this facility about this. The mother of this kid contacts my mother, says how I'd been unhinged, telling these hostels about how dangerous he is and how I'm scared of him (an "interesting" interpretation of complying with public health authorities for sure). I really believe that justice will be served.I learnt about how seemingly non-refundable deposits can get refunded, how easily you can decide to go somewhere else the night before and go there, how you're never tied to someone who disrespects you. As soon as it was suggested to me, I read the four agreements. I kept repeating the mantras to myself, specifically about not taking things personally, that the poison someone spits at you is a reflection of the person spitting poison. It has helped me tremendously. Being stuck in a once-per-two-year strike without food and water in a 100 degree line for 5 hours doesn't bother me (the strike isn't about me!). The quarantine does not particularly bother me (public health isn't about me!). Being called crazy, unhinged, and best of all, "vicious," doesn't bother me (being insulted isn't about me!); it's actually really funny. I think I'll even name my memoir "Crazy, Vicious Woman." It has a nice ring to it. In short, I've become more resilient and am infinitely grateful for the kindness others have shown to me (including all of you!) and how much I've learnt about being strong through these experiences. ORIGINAL:I'm a 20 year old woman who was about to go on a trip alone for a month through Germany, Austria, and Italy. About 2.5 weeks before the trip, my mother found me a male "travel buddy" (an acquaintance's son) to protect me, in case men "check me out." I mean, that alone is problematic, but we can unpack that later.I have a bad gut feeling (or maybe just anxiety) about this "travel buddy." As it turns out, I will have spent all of an hour with this person, essentially only around his parents/my parents before this month-long trip, I'll be sometimes sleeping in the same room as him, and it seems like he has a totally incompatible travel style (partying at night, "drinking every beer in Europe," wakes up at 11am, seems to be broke, spends nights at home playing poker with his friend and showing up late to the one meeting I've had with him as a result; meanwhile, I'll be waking up at 5am to do my job, have never had a sip of beer in my life, and am definitely a planner). I've insisted on meeting up with this "travel buddy" alone before our trip but he's said that he needs to spend a few days celebrating his friend's birthday (presumably his poker friend). But more than all this, I feel deeply troubled about the idea that I need to be "protected" as a solo woman, and this protection needs to come in the form of someone who I feel, if anything, would make me feel less safe and doesn't seem to have safe habits. I've brought this up with my mother and she's told me things like "you seemed like you'd get along so well." This "travel buddy" is apparently a very sensitive person, and my mother has told me "if anything, I'd be afraid that you'd be a bitch around him." I know I should have said no to my mother, but I booked accommodation for everyone (in hostels, though I mostly put myself in the female dorms), and he has a flight too. I leave in a week.So, do you have advice on unscrewing myself?