This is an anonymous post from an Elpha member.

women-dont-negotiate_b_2593106

Dayna139·Sep 07, 2021

Hey folks,

I stumbled across an article on how women are being penalized for negotiating on their behalf, based on multiple research from Harvard, Carnegie Mellon, Stanford, and others (see link). It is appaling and horrifying - but does explain some strange experiences I have with salary and job negotiations in the past.

I'm curious whether you have stories on how the standard negotiation tactics (list accomplishments, show market rate, etc) ends up backfiring and put you in a worse situation? And what are female-specific negotiation tactics that works for you?

Articles:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/women-dont-negotiate_b_2593106

https://www.pon.harvard.edu/daily/leadership-skills-daily/women-and-negotiation-leveling-the-playing-field/

https://www.payscale.com/career-news/2018/10/negotiating-while-female-you-are-not-problem

jessdee·Sep 07, 2021

I'm not sure if it fits what you're asking for, but I've recently left a company because they simply disregarded the terms of our salary negotiations, which had included # of days in the office. I had negotiated them down from 3 days to 1 day in the office, but had traded a few thousand in salary (less than 5k). I was very proud of this outcome because the days at home had been so important to me, and I figured I'd save at least a few thousand in costs on those extra office days over the year, AND I had successfully stood my ground and still gotten the offer!However, when it came time to go back to office (a few months after my hire date), they pretended they had no record of our negotiation, and refused to honor it. They essentially pulled the creepy-boyfriend move where they promised me anything to get me to move in, then flipped the switch once they thought I was 'trapped'. I was expected to be in the office as much as everyone else.Resigning from that job felt great. I drop my laptop off at the front desk today actually. That's as far as I ever went into that damn office.

Dayna139·Sep 07, 2021

Oh wow, glad you stood your ground. Very unprofessional and disrespectful behavior - this is corporate gaslighting, which is as abusive.

Latia91·Sep 08, 2021

Whoa. I will say that I have tried the negotiation tactics - asking for more, showing my value, my accomplishments, how much $ I've saved the company, alternatives to cash like PTO, comparing to industry standards, being a team player, SMILING A LOT, and it has pretty much never worked for me. The first place I negotiated, I got a $10K raise, only to find out I was STILL being underpaid compared to the others. The second and third times I tried where at another company and I was shot down despite knowing that others had been successful in negotiating. These others were either white, male, or had a different boss who actually seemed to try to get his team more money. I am also a queer, immigrant, BIPOC woman in tech. The odds are not in my favor. I'm tired of trying to be the one to negotiate and fail. Just pay me fairly.