Hello! I'm 30 and moving from NYC to London with a remote job. I sincerley value and thrive off of female friendships and have always strived to foster friendships in each new place I've lived in....but I find as I get older this becomes more difficult given people have other priorities (kids, partners, jobs, etc.). I'm great at striking up a friendly and meaninful conversation, but find it challenging to take small talk to the friendship stage. Would love tips, advice, and anecdotal experiences in navigating how to turn small talk into a friendship.
How to make friends when you're an adult + remote working + new city?
Iynna·Oct 20, 2021Iynna·Oct 20, 2021Start an activity like join the local running club, a book club, pick up a new skill like learning a new language at a language school or smth based on your interest. Depending on where you will be living go to your building gym or a gym if you have access to.Ofc leverage Elpha! I am sure @rachelclifton will gladly welcome you in LDN!Ps: v jealous of that move, I lived there before to the US :)
reed·Oct 20, 2021reed·Oct 20, 2021I second the language class advice, although I imagine it might be harder to self-motivate to go to a language class when you don't need a new language in your new country :). When I moved abroad, this was the #1 way I met some of my best friends.
rachel·Oct 21, 2021rachel·Oct 21, 2021Hey hey! Thanks for the tag, @iynna. Congratulations on your new role, and welcome to London! I hear you - making friends as an adult definitely requires more intentionality. The flipside? Without the ties of work, university, or pre-existing social groups, you have an incredible opportunity to get clear on what you want more of in your life -- and, of course, what you value. I would encourage you to prioritise what brings you meaning, fulfilment, and joy. London is a real melting pot and there are incredible communities within (and beyond) the "concrete jungle" exterior. Personally, I've had a real adventure with this in recent years. I consider myself pretty lucky in that I am part of a very diverse range of social networks and groups, so I'm always discovering new things despite being native to the city. Feel free to shoot me a DM and let me know what you're interested in - I'd be happy to suggest events or make intros if relevant! Sending warm wishes your way in the meantime :)
First of all, congrats on the move to London! This NYTimes article on the challenges of making friends once we're over 30/not in school anymore notes:As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.So I would recommend something (perhaps the classes and clubs as Iynna and Sarah already recommended) where you can meet people regularly without having to plan for it, and hopefully that will also be a warm and safe space. https://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html
hi - congrats on the move, sounds fun!i had a similar experience moving from chicago to the bay area with a remote job when i was 30 and over the last few years i think getting involved in anything your interested in is a great way to get started (as others mentioned meetups, clubs, volunteer, etc.) i tried to ask people i knew if they could connect me with potential friends too. however, i actually found Bumble BFF to be the most effective because everyone is on the app for the same reason, people seem really upfront about wanting more meaningful connection/conversation then small talk. i have met some really great, long lasting friends on that app! i think the transition from small talk to more meaningful conversations seems to happen when you take the lead and open up or be more vulnerable and honest right away, then people will either be into it or not. also i want to mention to be patient and compassionate with yourself too, it takes a bit of time but i think it's awesome you're thinking about it now and gathering ideas! good luck!
I second Bumble BFF! It was helpful when I moved for work and didn’t know anyone in my new city.
Find a couple of local non profits you can volunteer at. You'll feel great and meet people connected with the local community and, likely, folks you'd never met otherwise. Worked for me!
Agree with everything being said. Let your personal passions drive your search for a club, meet up group or location that fills your heart with joy. You’ll find people along the way.I realized in my 30’s is age doesn’t matter when it comes to friendships. I have neighbors who are my parents age who are friends or others younger than me too. Just be open to the journey.When I moved from SoCal to Minneapolis I got a dog and it helped me meet a lot of people on my walks. We would strike up a conversation that started out talking about dogs and it grew from there. Plus having a dog is a daily chore to get you out of the house each day to scroll the neighborhood.Best of luck and congrats on the move!
Love this and second that friendship has no age!
> I'm great at striking up a friendly and meaninful conversation, but find it challenging to take small talk to the friendship stage.I'm terrible at making friends but recently witnessed someone who is good at making friends do this-- They immediately at the end of that friendly, meaningful conversation make plans to hang out and get it on the calendar. I was shocked at her immediate follow-through because I've previously been like "let's hang out" and then it never amounted to anything. I think a lot of people want to make friends too and are just waiting for people to reach out because it's awkward.So I think tack on the immediate plans at the end of that first meaningful conversation (maybe have a restaurant in your back pocket that you want to try out) and I bet it would go a long way.
I just moved to a new city and made a few friends instantly through Bumble BFF! Can highly recommend it! Especially if you find other people on the app who are also new to the city as they will likely be the most open to making new friends and trying new activities.
Hey! Totally hear you and second all the existing advice around following your passions, groups, volunteering etc, Im 29 and live in London and despite having been here a long time now I work for myself and similarly have friends moving away / having kids find my friendships are harder to come by or sustain for similar reasons. So know that you aren’t alone and don’t assume everyone has it easier than you when you arrive but assume that they will want to be your friends too, you’ll have a better time for it I’m sure :)DM me id happily show you around and grab a coffee when you’re here :)
Hello fellow american expat! I moved to London a year ago and I totally understand what you're going through. I'm in my mid 30's and I feel that this is becoming a lot harder. Feel free to reach out to me if you like and meet up for coffee (if lockdown doesn't happen). I agree with everyone comments here. I think the most important thing is to settle and ease yourself in. Take care of yourself first. It took me a year to settle in and to make a few friends a long the way.
Congratulations on this amazing move! London is an incredible city and there is so much to see and explore. Sharing a common space with others is of utmost importance. When I relocated to Italy, a local language and culture class was a daily and weekly shared space which was important in connecting me to the language and culture. There were people with various backgrounds with a myriad of reasons for relocating. Overall, this common space was important in fostering friendships in a new community. Lastly, when living in Germany ( I just relocated back to the United States) expat organizations or US professional organizations located abroad were helpful in fostering friendship with other women with similar mindsets. In a group of four (single, no children, mothers, engaged, etc) we worked from different areas in Europe (Switzerland, England, and Germany). We connected quarterly, built a friendship, and traveled together often. Living abroad is a journey and building relationships take time. However, it is evident you fostered friendships in different places. I am sure it will be no different in London. One of the amazing things about the area you are relocating to is the opportunity to travel. Travel often! If you would like connections with amazing and hospitable people in different locations across Europe, please let me know. I lived in Europe for 10 years and it is still home to my family and I.
Nice I'm same age about to move away from London! I don't mean to be a naysayer, and I've not lived in NYC before, but it is challenging to make friends in London! There are some online FB groups where people meet up but I find London to be quite challenging to make friends. You have to have some connection and bond, or if you have friends who have a large friend group (my ex had a kind of enclave since he immigrated from another country, so I made a lot of friends from his friends, but that's not the same). I've lived in LA and found it challenging to make friends there for urban sprawl, and I've lived in Taipei which is handsdown the best place to meet interesting people easily and have good friendships. If you want, taking classes might be the best way to make friends in London, but I find it's not easy to meet up because of geography. Geography matters a lot in London - if you live near your friends that will make the biggest difference in how often you have good friend interactions. Apart from that, London is a super cool city, I have loved living here and feel sad to be leaving!
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