This is an anonymous post from an Elpha member.

Bilingual and feeling defeated about cultural & communication challenges

Erin220·Nov 03, 2021

Posted in:Advice

Today was a difficult day for me. I struggled making a couple of simple points during a few of my meetings. I didn't sound as sharp as I would like to. I spent the day in my head--fighting with the burden of my thoughts and the image of the women and "leader" I would like to be or perceived as.

I moved to the states less than 10 years ago. After many years of hard work I now work as a a senior manager in my organization. However, despite all of that, multiple books, classes plus successful projects that prove otherwise, I still have days where I feel like a loser because I struggle with something as basic as communicating my thoughts and points clearly. It's like leaving your live in another body. (you know how great you are and can be, but only end up showing 50%).

I know many of this things might sound superficial in this post. I know you should count your blessings. But, it's exhausting.

Especialy, when you start imagining what things would be like without these situations.

Any advice?

elenadosil·Nov 04, 2021

I'm not exactly bilingual, English is my second language, which I speak fluently but I'm clearly not native. I've been working on international companies for several years, and while I know I can make myself understood, I feel I will never be at the same level as my colleagues. I found that anxiety makes it worse, and sometimes words don't seem to want to come out in a fluid and coherent way. I know it's mostly in my head though, when I feel relaxed I can communicate quite well. My cycle phase also plays a role, as I have more anxiety some days than others.Know that you're not alone, many people suffer from this. Also, know that obsessing about it makes it worse. We can do much better when we don't sabotage ourselves.

Erin220·Nov 04, 2021

I identify with this so much. Thank you!

mpiresc·Nov 04, 2021

I sometimes imagine my 15 y/o self looking at me now, speaking in English, in a conference room with a bunch of Americans. My 15 y/o self would be very impressed every single time and she would not care about the accent or less than perfect formulation of thought. Sometimes is about being happy with ourselves and how far we've come.

Erin220·Nov 05, 2021

This is so sweet. I love this perspective. Thanks for the kind words.

Allyson44·Nov 05, 2021

Sorry that you had a tough day! But know that just because someone's a native speaker doesn't automatically make them eloquent. Think of people back home who speak your mother tongue. Aren't there also people who aren't the best at expressing themselves in meetings? I know for a fact that if I go home now, I can't speak in front of a large group in my mother tongue without a good few hours of preparation. You might be too harsh on yourself, maybe to others you did come across very well! Why not ask a few colleagues for their impression and feedback? I've had times where I didn't think I'd done well but others told me they really enjoyed hearing what I said. Good luck with your journey and we're all rooting for you!

Rickie146·Nov 06, 2021

Thank you. I appreciate this perspective and reminder that we’re all human. I can definitely be hash, and need to take a step back sometimes.

MarinaR·Nov 05, 2021

Erin220, I can relate to your feelings 100%. And please know what you are experiencing is a real thing. English is my second language and almost on a daily basis I think about how much easier and less stressful it’d be if I worked in my mother tongue. But I always tell myself that using your native language is easy and everyone can do it, but doing what we do is difficult and requires perseverance and strong will. Isn’t that great that we push ourselves on a daily basis to become better?! That means we grow! In case you haven’t read “Mind Set” (by Carol Dweck) I highly recommend it. It’s my fav book of all times. Having said that, I also have terrible days when I literally can’t express my thoughts in English and feel dumb. Those are just bad English days as I call them and they happen when I’m exhausted and feel under the weather. And it’s okay too. Let’s be kinder to yourselves. We deserve it.

Erin220·Nov 06, 2021

I’m definitely going to buy this book, and thanks for putting into words some of the frustrations I’ve been experiencing. In a way, it makes me feel better to know that I’m not the only one going through this. I love how you say that we’re pushing ourselves on a daily basis. It’s so true. 💕