This is an anonymous post from an Elpha member.

Am I too sensitive?

Sofia48·Dec 10, 2021

Posted in:Advice

So I co-interewed an candidate (male) for a junior position with a coworker (male). During the interview I asked a lot of questions. We decided to let him do next round so my coworker sent the candidate a code take home challenge with me cced.

Today the candidate turned in the code only to my coworker. I did not know until my coworked forwarded it to me. And I felt offended. I don't have a level in my title but I am not "junior" and if the candidate actually checked my linkedIn he probably will know.

If I try to think why the candidate chose to type (or copy and paste) an email address instead of just push "Replay to all" button.

Now I am kind in a "all-male" team and I think I should share my thought to the team.

Iynna·Dec 10, 2021

You are 1000000% not sensitive or overreacting! please never invalidate your emotions or your guts.I don't care title/no title, you'd be this guy's boss - period.Now let me ask you this: in the email with the take-home attached, what was the tone of your coworker like did he use first person or collective language "send us back the finished product by xxx" vs "send me the product"? Either this was at best negligence, at worst condescending behavior. I have little tolerance there because it can reveal someone's true colors. I would totally tell the team how you feel it will be an educational experience for them and these are the things you need to be able to discuss with them - they will have your back and at least try to understand where this is coming.I'd phrase it this way ideally on the phone vs in writing "Nice I look forward to diving deeper into his work. I will say I was surprised he dropped me out of the thread. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it's a reply all vs. reply to original sender mistake. However, this is something I want dig more into so if we do another round I want to do more behavioral to see how he could be as a colleague (ie. is he just young and have a few things to learn or can actually be a dick) "You don't have to curse and say dick but you get the idea. If you want your team to listen actively, position this not as being a gender thing BUT as a team issue ie. are we actually going to get along with this person.

Aggs·Dec 13, 2021

<> This part is priceless advice, and although I am sensitive to the gender-reactions, I agree that the times I ever made true progress was by making it clear that someone's behaviour could affect everyone equally. Great feedback, iynna, thank you!

TLC·Dec 11, 2021

Agree. Sounds like some implicit bias going on here. Devils advocate/Benefit of the doubt if the co-worker gave the assignment do you think that indicated (or they said) to send it back to that co-worker, misunderstanding that it should be cc’ed to you too?

amara·Dec 11, 2021

It seems to me the problem was innocent enough since your colleague instructed and sent out the assignment. Naturally, the candidate returned to sender I don’t think the candidate should face additional scrutiny over this. But you must discuss interview protocol with the team, when giving out instructions

irisschaffer·Dec 11, 2021

To be honest with you, I personally wouldn’t be all too concerned. It took me months to get used to hitting the “reply to all” button because my muscle memory was so used to hitting the normal “reply” button before I started working.That said, I would still share this concern with my co-workers and/or the hiring manager, as you are totally right, it might well be a red flag!

teresaman·Dec 11, 2021

I too used to hit just "reply" instead of "reply all" and accidentally miss the folks who are cc'ed! Something your coworker could do to correct this, irrespective of the candidate's reason for not sending it to you, would be to say something like — "thanks so much for sending this. Adding [your name] again (cc'ed)."

ritapalanjian·Dec 11, 2021

I'm very sensitive as well. For this situation, I think that it could have been an innocent oversight. Maybe this isn't the first situation for you and the reason it is raised a red flag or triggered you for some reason. In my previous job, it wasn't unsual working with men who clearly preferred working with men. I did feel I would be dismissed or not heard within a group project.

LaraY·Dec 13, 2021

By default I only reply to emails. Half the time I might not even realize another person was CC'd. In Gmail, to reply all, it's a longer process (rightfully so, as it can be annoying on large send lists).I wouldn't get too upset about it, tbh.