can-someone-please-fence-me-in

mariapoto·Feb 10, 2023

Posted in:Mental Health Family & Relationships Health & Wellness Parenting

I have been harboring this sense lately that when I cannot protect my boundaries, I am removing myself further from my best self. From the version of me that feels aligned with who I truly am. I’ve been reflecting on this the past few weeks, as my life has become more chaotic.

Our family has been sick on loop for three months. Work is demanding - I’m doing a ton of context-switching. My husband recently had knee surgery and is pretty much immobilized. Which is like having three kids and being a single parent. Plus, we’re going through a super big transition, which I don’t even want to name so as not to jinx it.

How do you think I’m doing on my most valued boundaries and commitments to myself? Yeah, not so great. Barely made it to the park even once last week. I’m not sleeping enough, so I'm also not working out enough. With my mental and emotional bandwidth stretched to the limit, I’m snappier with the kids. Getting pulled in so many directions means I rarely feel present in the moment - in my body or interactions. It feels like I am defrauding myself.

I've been taking some steps to get back to feeling aligned - got some help for the house, took a personal day at work today, went to the park, and cheered myself into going for a run. Feeling better.

But I'm still curious how are others dealing with those moments (sometimes really looooooong moments)? What do you do? How do you talk to yourself? What is most helpful to you?

BTW I wrote about it on substack, in case interesting for you to follow my attempts at living in the present moment (LOL given my past few weeks) with a weekly dose of vulnerable writing... https://ambleday.substack.com/p/can-someone-please-fence-me-in

SarahBerchild23·Feb 11, 2023

Following this thread. Am interested too!

PatriciaGestoso·Feb 11, 2023

I coach myself. That includes self-coaching around setting boundaries.

mariapoto·Feb 11, 2023

But how? Like what do you tell yourself and how? And at what frequency? Or do you have some specific practices?

PatriciaGestoso·Feb 12, 2023

Hi Maria,I'm a certified life coach and I have a framework and a process I teach in my practice. The core of my coaching practice is what's called "thought work", the connection between thoughts, feelings, actions, and results. It has completely changed how I manage my mind - rather than my mind managing me - and I also helped my clients with topics as different as career change, creating a business, integrating a demanding job and being a caregiver, and weight loss.As part of that, I work with my clients on topics such as the manual they have for the members of their environment, their beliefs about how other people control their own emotions, or how to set effective boundaries.If you'd like to learn more, connect with me at patricia@[email protected], Best, Patricia

Brionna·Feb 12, 2023

Honestly, I lay on the floor A LOT and stare at the ceiling and breathe. I used to do it when I worked in an office too. I'd find a place to be on the floor or I'd go sit outside. Whenever I feel pulled in a lot of directions to this day, I get on the literal ground and stay there. Sometimes I play music. Sometimes I listen to a short sound bath from youtube. And sometimes I fall asleep for a little bit. But in those moments, the only thing that matters is that I remind myself where the ground is. It helps me re-regulate my nervous system and I guess it also shifts my perspective. I always feel better after I lay on the floor. Always. *Caveat: no phone or other screen is allowed on the ground with you :)

mariapoto·Feb 13, 2023

Wow I LOVE THAT I’m 100% trying this next time I hit overwhelm - thanks for sharing.

Brionna·Feb 13, 2023

Yay! Let me know how it goes! It's my favorite thing to do basically ever and it reminds me that the issue isn't always as complicated as our brains make it out to be. We might just be tired!