When was the last time you gave yourself permission to do nothing?

Posted in:Health & Wellness Lifestyle Misc Personal Growth

The BEST day ever!This is how my 5 year old twins described our day at the dam last weekend. And I have to agree with them. I loved being on the water, feeling the wind whipping around me, watching the water spray in our wake (no, we don't own a boat, or a house on the dam, but we know people 😂)I loved watching their excitement about this brand new experience. And it was so energising to just be in that space. No real conversation required. No-one wanting anything. And to just be. Watching the world from a new perspective.My mind stopped that crazy racing it does about everything I could or should be doing. I just existed in that moment.

As a mother and a working mother, I often feel the pressure of feeling like I have to be doing something. And it's something I'm aware of and have been since my twins were small. And I can still easily fall into the trap of feeling like I should be busy all the time.

That time on the boat last weekend was a reminder that I'm allowed to do nothing sometimes.When was the last time you gave yourself permission to do nothing and just exist in the moment?

tashasimmons·Jun 21

Glad to hear you and your kids had a beautiful weekend I try to have daily "me time" which including journaling and listening to music or audiobook or watching Tv Weekends my to do is about doing more fun and relaxing stuff

SallyEgertonWade·Jun 28

Daily me time for the win @tashasimmons

marieofvenus·Jun 24

What kind of music do you enjoy, @tashasimmons?

tashasimmons·Jun 25

Classical, R and B, Hip HopRecently I've been listening to frequency sounds on Spotify

marieofvenus·Jun 25

Mmmmm..... sounds like we'd enjoy the same music. 🙌🏼

Iynna·Jun 21

that's wonderful, Sally! It does sound like a fantastic day (and yes to having the right connections hahah) this is an excellent question- I have tried to do this a few times this week (i'm currently in Stockholm working and trying to enjoy the city) and while I was enjoying myself, i found myself being on my phone too much - trying to take pictures, texting people, doing emails (working even when I could be off), and checking social media. I hate myself everytime I end up doing this because I feel like I am missing you living in the present.

SallyEgertonWade·Jun 28

@iynna I would hate to think you’re hating yourself!! And it’s about self awareness which is always the biggest hurdle, right? And it’s also hard because I use my phone to take pics so it’s always there and the temptation is to “just check quickly” which turns into doom scrolling or emails!! A trick I’ve learned is to turn off data so I can’t do those things. 😂

tashasimmons·Jun 26

I agree with Marie don't hate yourself Maybe you are still adjusting to the different time zone or just naturally multi task which in my opinion we all do most people do not single task anything ( tv and texting or tv and eating) as long as you don't feel drain then continue doing what is working best for you If you want to do less professional tasks after a certain time put your phone in night time or do not disturb mode at a certain

Iynna·Jun 26

these are really good tips, thank you Tasha! Are there any tips that have particularly worked well for you?

tashasimmons·Jun 27

Night time mode (my phone goes into black mode) so I can wind down for the evening Easynotes works so I can take quick notes

Iynna·Jun 27

smart!

marieofvenus·Jun 23

Not hate yourself, friend - You always have the most beautiful outlook and responses for others, full of grace, empathy, and compassion.The opportunity to notice and change our own behavior is a gift we can give ourselves. I'm willing to bet you wouldn't hate someone else for the same behavior.

Iynna·Jun 24

you're the absolute sweetest! gave me so much perspective to read your note... and you're right if it were a friend, i'd certainly not hate her and i'd prompt her to not hate herself!!

FirstNoelle·Jun 22

Oh, I struggle with this so much. Esp as a parent of young ones, it just feels like 99.99% of my time is owned by other people - work, kids, spouse, school events, etc. Even when I do have a miraculous open block of an hour or two, I'm absolutely in GSD mode - trying to catch up on the hundreds of things that are already overdue or deficient (ahem, I'm looking at you, basement cleanout project!) Thanks for the reminder that "free" time can be so refreshing. I guess I still don't know if I'll ever do it, but it gives me hope to hear that *someone* is succeeding at it! 😂

SallyEgertonWade·Jun 28

@FirstNoelle I found I had to give myself “permission” to not be busy doing all the time. That I’m allowed to do nothing. And just be. And I’ve always had my biggest personal and professional break throughs in the moments of being instead of doing. But society tells us we need to be busy to be valuable. And that’s what we need to guard against!! And good luck with that basement clean out project 😂

tashasimmons·Jun 26

create a routine flexible of course using apps to organize tasks, chores and lists I use Easy Notes I category and notes and list having a change of tasks system example if the little ones bedtime is 7 you tell them (if their not little babies) okay let's get ready for bedtime around 6 so that gives you and them an hour to get ready to go to sleep Moshi is also great for assists little to sleep or their favorite Disney Movies ( no lights so the room is too bright) Good Luck Feel free to message if you want any suggestions or a person to vent to

marieofvenus·Jun 24

You are SO not alone in this. Speaking from experience - My own AND interactions/observations with others. I just started reading Essentialism by Greg McKeown. The main theme? Less, but better. Permission giving AND needle moving.

Iynna·Jun 24

i am not a mother but i can 1000% understand what you're saying... because it is true your kids are your CEO.I wonder if you are able to outsource some of the difficult tasks that are really taking too much of your time eg the cleanup project? Or is this something that you actually want to take on?

FirstNoelle·Jun 24

Fair Q! We looked at hiring for the cleanup/cleanout project, but the cost was not manageable at the time. So it's just the thing lurking near the bottom of the "to do" list that never gets crossed off. But it's a big, visible one in the house, so it's this odd dichotomy of being lower priority in some ways, but also a visible eyesore and reminder of a thing that needs to be done.

marieofvenus·Jun 23

I LOVE that you leaned all the way into the "nothingness" to experience pure joy and BEing, and extended that to your family as well. It's the most amazing "space", when we allow it. I actively practice BEing every single day. The power of being present is a true gift, and for me it helps my heart and creative mind connect the dots of ideas and emotions that can't be replicated. On top of that, it's a true gift for others too - when we can model that behavior and extend our presence and interest to them in the moment.

Iynna·Jun 24

Please tell us the secret - how do you practice BEing? Are there days where you "fail" to do so and how does it make you feel?

marieofvenus·Jun 24

I love these questions. First of all, never failing - because it's never an arrival. Always a practice. I've done a lot of work to learn to be more present (surprise that my love language is quality time). It's less judgment and more deepened awareness and recalibrating actions/approaches. In a day and age where it's so easy to get caught up in to-do lists, anxiety over what we "should" be doing, and worry over whether we've done things "right", or rushing on to the next thing, presence is the gift that brings joy and experience and meaning to it all. And, when we can let go of the thoughts running through our mind and lean into the moments being shared, our hearts fill, creativity flows, and the "dots connect". The space to BE is just as important to processing, decompressing, and implementing, as the actions we actively take towards our objectives. As far as curating presence - a lot of that happened as I allowed myself to discover how I "best" show up in the world (in other words, the habits and boundaries that support my truest, most dynamic self), and deconstructed the programming that told me what that did or didn't look like (it's different for everyone, and even in different experiences).When I realize I'm not present, I course correct. Put the phone down. Close all but the tabs I need. Quit allowing myself to be distracted (or express that I am distracted, and ask for or create any changes I can that will allow me to be more present). This is one of the reasons my favorite ways to connect with people in person is a walk-n-talk. Not only are most distractions left behind, moving our bodies allows us to be more present while also centering us and helping us better process things - physically, mentally and emotionally. Plus, BEing allows us to observe, connect with, better appreciate, and be in awe of the multitude of things happening around us.

SallyEgertonWade·Jun 28

@marieofvenus this is so powerful. We’ve been conditioned to be busy doing and we’ve learned to discount how important being is. I do daily breathe work too and that helps me manage the overwhelm and focus too!

marieofvenus·Jun 29

This! Yes! I love that you're intentionally about incorporating breathwork. Deconstructing the connection between "busy" and self-worth is essential. And there's so much we can do to support our nervous system, to help recondition how our bodies and minds navigate that. Good for you!

Morgan·Jun 23

I didn't know there was recreation at dams :o That must have been very fun! What did you like best?

SallyEgertonWade·Jun 28

@MorganLucas definitely being on the boat on the water!!

Ruthie89·Jun 26

Every so often, maybe once a season, I have a “pajama day.” I stay home, laze around, eat cereal, maybe watch a movie, but it is for re-charging. I admit it can be hard to do nothing: I’ve always got a to-do and a grocery list going. But, down time is helpful.

FirstNoelle·Jun 27

Dang, I need to add this back to my life. I actually used to do this pre-pandemic. I called it my "secret vacation day." I would take the day off of work, but not tell anyone - even my own family. And then I would get them all out of the house like normal, and then come back and dance around the empty house like Julie Andrews frolicking in the mountains of The Sound of Music (reference image above - lol). But now my work is hybrid and there are people and animals here pretty much all the time. Hmm....how to get back my "secret vacation (and now PJ) day"?

christinajones·Jun 27

This is such a great question! My husband and I recently had a conversation about this. Even as a family of two right now, our weekends are always full of errands, activities, etc. Even when we are home, I have a constant running "to-do" list I'm working on. I had mentioned to him in passing that I couldn't remember the last time I did absolutely nothing. So, a few weeks ago, he "forced" me to do absolutely nothing one Saturday. We slept in. I read my book. We watched tv. Had takeout for dinner. I think we got a total of maybe 200 steps in that day haha. I wasn't allowed to say "I need to do..." or "I should be doing...". or even open my computer. And it was hard for me--so hard, in fact, that I realized I need to make a point of doing that more often so that relaxing becomes a bit easier! In a world of 5 day work weeks, constant activities and distractions, I'm realizing that you truly have to make an effort to relax, be present, and just be (even if that means pre-scheduling a "nothing" day!).

SallyEgertonWade·Jun 28

@christinajones slowing down is so important. Schedule it so you don’t forget to do this from time to time!!

susanlee·Jul 29

Start simple: stop "and-ing." When you do one thing, do that thing and nothing else.Ex: Catch up on an episode of a show you're watching without creating a grocery list at the same time. Integrate the moments for yourself in the things you're already doing without adding more. In fact, do less.

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