Help please!

I started working in Recruitment in 2018 - long story short, I loved how hard I had to work and prove myself. Initially, I was on a temp contract as a resourcer and quickly progressed up to trainee consultant and finally, just before the pandemic, got my job title as consultant which was conditional on my learning to drive. Over furlough, I became anxious about going back there. People around me told me they were treating my poorly with low pay and had strung me along for the last 18-months. I started to doubt my position, my parents were hounding me about working for them, so I handed in my notice and went to work for my parents. I hated that, so joined an internal recruitment team in Healthcare 2 months later and I have been there (unhappily) ever since.

Now, I feel miserable and that I don't want to work. I have grown to hate the work, it's a VERY small office for 5 people which only highlights the toxic atmosphere.

My question is, HOW do you know what you want to do? What am I doing wrong to feel miserable wherever I go? I want to work hard, and I want to care about what I do but for the last year, I have got very little interest in work and very little drive for work! Part of me misses my original job, it wasn't perfect but am I missing it because I feel like it's a get-out-of-jail-free card or because I miss it for the right reasons?

Has anyone experienced this before? Is there any advice anyone can offer?

So, in the pandemic, I quit my job and started working for myself ( - shameless plug) and how I decided what I wanted to do was as follows:1/ Someone told me to take a walk and think about the things that I would want to do every day that would make me happy. Things that I would happily get out of bed for, irrespective of whether or not I had the experience to do them or was doing them now. 2/ I thought about my values. Who do I want to work with and what do I want to work on. This helped me not sacrifice what was important for me in order to fit into the world of work. At this stage, I knew what made me happy both in terms of task and context. I then thought about money - because money has been a driver of my frustrations before. I thought about how much I wanted to be paid as a minimum and started to build a career vision for myself. I also left jobs that were toxic, or not paying me enough (or on time) because I wanted to avoid all situations that didn't fit into the vision I had for myself and my career.Someone else also recommended Ikagi - disclaimer (I've only skimmed the article, but have learned a lot about it through my mentor)
Your website is brilliant! Just had a cheeky scroll through. Thank you for your advice, my main driver is job satisfaction and feeling like I have a purpose. If I feel like just a cog in a machine, I don't do too well. Money is a motivator in the sense I can't afford to be on much less than what I'm on now in terms of bills/car etc. I have had a flip through that link as well and I might bullet point and list using that method. Thanks again for your help, all the best with your business! I'm sure you'll do very well.
100% agree that knowing your values makes the decision process soo much easier!
Hi @Dixie40! First off, thank you for allowing us to weigh in.The answer is simple (and your brain might even dismiss it bc it wants a more complex answer - notice if that happens). It's simple and also going to feel like the hardest thing you’ve ever done. So HOW do you know what you want to do? You DECIDE. That’s it. If you’re anything like me, I was unconsciously expecting the universe to deliver the answer to me on a silver platter. I was tired and fussy from all the jobs that didn’t feel aligned with my purpose. I switched careers 3x in 7 years! I sooo feel where you are rn, friend. Last year, with the help of a coach, I had a come to Jesus moment about the desires I was repressing. I wanted to be a life coach (and am now) but allllll my beliefs/fears around whether it was possible or not wouldn't even let me take action to see if it was possible. I promise you, a part of you already knows the answer. Even if it's not the full answer. But you have enough to start. Your brain is likely going to offer lots of unhelpful thoughts about how you need more info to take action and it will want to indulge in confusion. That’s normal. A coach can definitely help you with this. As I mentioned, I am a coach and I’m currently offering a free 3 week introductory period to life coaching (no strings attached) if you’re interested in digging deeper into this. Feel free to DM me for more info. More importantly, I’d recommend connecting with any coach that resonates with YOU (even if it’s not me!) bc I know first hand how being where you are feels and what’s possible when you have support! You've got this, lady!
Hi! Thank you so much for your answer; I am exactly the same! I cannot make decisions for myself for the life of me! I do wait for some sort of divine intervention to give me the answers. Thank you so much for your offer; I shall drop you a DM :) Thank you so much again!
Hi @Dixie40: This is super common and you are not alone in this feeling -- it's not something innate in you; like Hazel said, it's most likely about a misalignment of purpose and values.Those sound like big, abstract concepts but actually there are a couple of little, concrete things you can do to bring greater alignment to your life. One exercise my fiancé introduced to me when I was MISERABLE at work was to name 3 things I liked or enjoyed about each day. This not only helped me shift my focus to something good (even for a small bit of time), it also helped me start to see a pattern about the work I enjoyed and let me start moving in a direction of those duties, bit by bit.You could also try one of my favorite exercises, the Ideal Day -- where you basically picture what your day and work looks like from start to finish. It can be a real path to clarity. I'm including the picture of the instructions here but feel free to DM me and I'll send you the .pdf if you want it. TL;DR: It's not you. You're not stuck. You can get beyond this and find the place where you belong and evolve it as you grow.
Amen to all of this @MWags!!
Thank you so much for your reply! I'll definitely be PM'ing you for that, anything to make such a decision easier :) I really appreciate it. I really hope I can get beyond this feeling!
The Ideal Day exercise reminds me of a similar one I did a few years ago that really helped push me to finally take the steps to achieve the goals that had been in the back of my mind:1. It's 10 years in the future. 2031. You're 10 years older. You wake up, it's a typical day in your life. What does that day look like? Where are you waking up - where do you live, who do you live with, what does your home look like, what city/state/country do you live in, etc? You get ready for your day and then - what do you do? What's your job or your main focus? What do you spend your day doing, who do you do that with? Once you're done with that for the day, how do you spend your evenings/"free"time? Basically, what do you hope your life looks like 10 years from now? 2. Now rewind 5 years. What does your life need to look like in 5 years to achieve that 10-year vision for yourself? What goals do you need to have achieved? 3. Now rewind to 1 year in the future. What can you do between now and August 2022 to reach that 5-year vision and 10-year vision?
That's super helpful. I'll definitely be doing this exercise. Thank you so much.
Firstly, stop listening to others first and instead listen to your inner wants and needs first. Make 2 lists. One that is a list of what you like to do, irrespective of the job. The second list is jobs that you think you would like- title. Then think about the components that make you feel satisfied at work. For example: I like to know that I am needed in the company, I like to be impactful to the overall business and the individuals there. Then make a list of what you don't like in a job: I don't like people who don't make time for me, I don't like companies where the product is or isn't XYZ. Then take these lists and simply find the true course of your next action. You will have created a strategic plan for how to move to the next phase of your Recruiting career or simply put will decide that is not for you. Often people in recruiting leave because of the short very transactional nature of the work. If that is what you don't like then I would suggest you consider some other administrative role in a larger company where you can take your tech skills and learn about a business by supporting an executive or mid manager. Absorb, learn take notes and decide whether you like what they do or the business they are in. Limit your search to a narrow slice of what kinds of things businesses/products/categories excite you. Then you can take the leap to what will feel right. Alternatively, you can sign up for a temp agency or a few of them. Take their skills tests and do some temp jobs to see the inside of some places on short term situations. Then if you like what you see you have true insider knowledge about how they work. You might handily go from temp to perm in no time that way....good luck and don't beat yourself up. The best is yet to come.
Thank you so much for this; I do too-often listen to other people, it gets to the point where I feel that I can't make a decision for me. The short, transactional nature of recruitment is what gets me down sometimes; I like to feel my work has a purpose and that it helps someone truly down the line and I feel with recruitment, especially in this sector, that getting people to stay put or start even is a thankless task. All of these ideas are great and I really appreciate it, so thank you!
First, I just want to celebrate you for setting the intention to honor yourself and what you truly want in this process. I've been (in a version of) where you are - hating my work, and not feeling sure of what I want next. In my personal experience, and my experience as a coach - this happens most when we aren't feeling as connected with ourselves. This is so totally normal, btw! From the moment we are born we are sponges learning who and what we need to be in order to be successful, loved, accepted, etc. As we turn up the dial on the external world, we turn it down on our internal wants and needs. The key here, is to begin to tune back into yourself so that you can feel confident in your decisions and more aligned with what feels right for you. I'm noticing a lot of external influence here - from the feedback from others that you weren't being treated right to giving in to working for your parents. I think that your beginning to question why you are longing for the original job - really getting honest with yourself, is a great start. What do you miss about it? Before people told you, you were being treated poorly, did you not like it? Do you personally feel, with the perspective you have now, that you were treated poorly? Also, being conscious of the fact that you really enjoyed the challenge at the beginning - if that's our favorite part of a job it can feel really exciting at first, and then fizzle out. As others have mentioned on the thread, values is a huge help in situations like these. I always encourage clients to pick their top 5 and then to cross-reference with any area of their life that they are dissatisfied with. Looking for any values that aren't being expressed in that area and how you might be able to shift that. It sounds like from your other comments that making an impact is important to you, that's something I would absolutely factor into your decision. And getting more granular - do you want to feel like you are moving the needle within the org or do you want the company you work for to make an impact on the world (or both)? One thing that I think would really serve you is intentionally tune into your desires, needs, feelings on a daily basis. This will make it easier for you when you need to call on them for a decision. This could look like having a daily practice every day this week where you ask yourself "what do I want?". It could be as simple as, "I want to take a walk" or "I want a smoothie". Choose something you can act on and then do it, this will help to train your brain to tune into those desires as they come up. You've got this!
Thank you so much for replying! I do really appreciate it. Yes, I am very easily influenced by what others think of my situation (that's a whole other post going into that topic 😂) but my original job, I loved until others started pointing out flaws that I didn't see were there and looking back, they probably had a point but until then I loved loved loved it and saw it as paying my dues and working hard to succeed. However, all the things you've mentioned are things I do need to consider. Both of those things you mentioned, I know it's cliche, but I want my work and the company I work for to have a meaningful purpose and to have a positive impact on change in society and the world. I would also like to feel that I am appreciated and actively making moves within the company if that makes sense, that the work I personally do also benefits the business. Thank you for all your help and advice, I really appreciate it :)
You are so welcome! It's so normal to be influenced by others around us, and it's even healthy to take feedback if it feels in alignment for us. It sounds to me that through this process, you are really getting to discover what alignment looks and feels like for you. This is such a gift, especially earlier on in your career. :)Yes! I love that you want to make an impact at your company and on the world. With an intentional approach to your career - this is totally possible!I'm hosting a Grounded Confidence Bootcamp next week where I'll be teaching how to cultivate confidence from the inside-out and I think the exercises would really support you in this process - I'd love to have you as my guest!