This is an anonymous post from an Elpha member.

Being treated with respect, and not being taken for granted

Joanne52·Jan 12, 2021

Posted in:Advice

I have a lot of pent-up resentment because it feels like I'm often mistaken to be the Assistant or the person who'll pick up any slack. How do you set the boundaries straight upfront so that male colleagues don't assume you're the worker bee, the EA, etc? I feel like so many times at least I end up having to snarl/"bare teeth" so that others behave...and this is mostly because I've not set this straight upfront and people just treat you poorly and take you for granted

teresaman·Jan 12, 2021

No need to respond to this particular part of the comment in case it's you! 😛But sharing just in case — there was a tweet about this just yesterday: https://twitter.com/grlalx/status/1348788053704396801Personally, I haven't experienced this particular problem of being misinterpreted as an EA. But a relatable experience was when I used to teach and my TA (a very tall white man) and (a short asian woman) would stand in front of class on the first night — and without fail, every student (all working professionals) would go up to him assuming he's the teacher and I'm the helper. This kind of unconscious bias is so prevalent that, unfortunately, I don't think some people are at all aware of it nor bother doing the due diligence to check people's actual roles. Which I'd agree, is super frustrating and unfair.I think it's 100% important to make the correction when it happens or as early as you can, so you can set the right kind of expectations. As for taking you for granted and assuming that you'll pick up any work, menial or not, a past response I've used before is quite blunt and was along the lines of "I don't have the capacity to do this right now, can you reach out to X from Y team who may be able to help?" (team Y being the team that's actually dedicated to the request at hand).But this isn't just on you and should never be just on you. People who you work with or people who manage you should actively sponsor you in the right way as well — eg. make teamwide introductions on the first day on your role, stepping in to correct people when you're mistaken for another role, etc.

chilliangie·Jan 12, 2021

Agree with @teresaman! As a petite Asian working in a super white male dominant environment I’m so used to this. It’s ok to just say no - you can choose to be more polite and cordial, tho I would recommend just go straight and direct “no it’s not my job” with a nice tone and a smile. Do it more often and you will feel confident and comfortable in no time! It will also gradually build up your gravitas. Also, ask your manager for help if possible. Like Teresa mentioned there are many ways and I believe its the manager’s responsibility to support you too. Or make use of your ally - see if you can make a pact to help each other out when these situations arise 💪🏻