I am a director at a start-up. A lot of issues I deal with are syptoms of the dysfunctional executive leadership team. Has anyone else had a similar problem? How did you deal with it?
How do you deal with dysfunctional leadership teams?
Here for any tips, too! In the same situation….
erinnicole·Jun 14, 2023erinnicole·Jun 14, 2023Also in the same situation but not in a leadership role- merely a worker baring the brunt of it ☹️
The problem with toxic management is that we don't have the terminology to call it what it is, because of the cultural bias and the lack of psychology in school. Dysfunctional leadership is Narcissism. The irony is that there is nothing else, no other 'diagnosis, no particular set of 'character' or 'genes'. That's the one and only word we need to describe the problem.The underlying mental illness is called CPTSD. It comes in two symptom variations. One type of person compensates for the resulting mental instability by controlling their surroundings, and is in the narcissistic spectrum, the other type controls their mental instability by controlling themselves and is in the codependent spectrum.The higher the leaders are, the larger the mental disability is and the more narcissistic they are. We use the word narcissist mainly as someone who is self-centered, but it really is much more than that. It is a true mental disease that has similarities to split personality, because their brains 'Jump' between frontal lobe (where rationality and reason live) to middle brain (where trained, emotionally triggered, instinct reactions live) and they don't notice the jump. And, their middle brain is ruled by emotions that are leftovers from a childhood of lack of love and neglect. This is not 'letting them off the hook', just an explanation. While CPTSD survivors in the codependent spectrum can get better with therapy, narcissists don't. It is because their brain is trained to always seek fault outside of themselves. If they would have to start thinking that they have to change somehow, it is as if they have to die. This is the literal sensation. Their brains can't form the thought. So there is no therapy, no cure, no 'talking sense into them', no 'persuading', no 'they will get it someday'. There are techniques people use to deal with narcissists when they have to. One technique is called 'grey rock', You don't give the narcissistic person supply by being 'boring'. This makes them leave you alone to turn to other people to reduce and control. Everyday contact with narcissists erodes anyone, no matter how strong and resilient they are. The best way to bridge the time until one can find a new job with hopefully smaller narcissists at the top is to watch good Youtube videos about it (Dr. Carter's and Dr. Ramani's videos are great), get educated about the disease, and working on mastering the coping skills to not get dragged into the drama narcissists create in order to collect supply. Information and knowledge about the disease are true powers and there is nothing else, unfortunately. The disease is terrible in itself but what makes it into a real catastrophe is that we are forbidden to talk about it and name it as what it is. If any of you who suffer from people behaving this way can start educating yourself with good videos and start to use the right terminology, then we might get somewhere. Otherwise it stays on the 'personality type' level and people suffer endlessly without ever understanding what this really is.
My initial reaction was to say run away as fast as you can. There’s no way to change them. You’ll most likely burn out and won’t be able to keep up with your work. If you want to give it a try, talk with at least one of them about specific issues and avoid talking about any personal feelings. Be in terms of data and facts. See how they’ll react and if they’ll follow through with what they promised. If possible, make sure you have an audience when one of these issues rises. Either communicate via Slack channel or talk about it in a team setting. Don’t address them in private only.
I am in the same situation with the minor difference being part of the leadership team is the problem, not all, but it affects (and causes issues) for everyone. I'm actively working on a plan to tackle this but there is very little actual guidance probably because the answer is for the leadership team to stop acting like children and figure out how to work together. (Seems simple, right?!) The problem is no one wants to admit they are the problem and then activity seek help to improve. Generation and gender can also play a role in how we address these problems, so I am considering that in my action plan. It's a tough situation, but if you love your job, then it's worth trying to help fix the problem. You may or may not be successful, but by leading with empathy and professionalism, being firm, and relaying that you have their best interest in mind, the situation will (hopefully) resolve. Best of luck!
Are you talking about partners or hired leadership? Because the solution is very different :)
Get an external coach to facilitate The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Pat Lencioni. You can’t take this on your own, try to scope out who on the team can be your ally to make the change, connect it to their why. If all else fails, hop!
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