Valemanuel.com

valemanuel·Jan 27, 2022

Hey ladies, this is my first post and it's a little dramatic but I honestly don't know Who else to talk to you about This stuff!

I have a friend right now whose working with my start up and she came in to help really with everything organization wise. I’m doing the fundraising, I developed the product (hemp fiber period pads), and I am setting up the structure. This is my fourth start up. I have one business I’m selling right now and I’ve had pretty bad experiences with cofounders. Nothing bad as in bad blood or a failed relationships (they are still my besties I started the other three with) but I basically feel like when the going gets tough I’m the only one who sticks around and I’m usually the only one who makes all the money and executes strategy and has that endurance to stick out start up life. Her husband basically doesn’t want her to work for the company anymore because she doesn’t have 50%. She has not put in any money but she’s put in daily time since November and she feels like an executive assistant that I definitely would want to have around long-term because she’s extremely smart and organized and she’s also a scientist and my company is needing FDA support! She’s also entrepreneurial and that’s so hard to find someone who works and responds as well as she does in my 10 years of start up life experience. I’m giving her stock options for the amount of time worked but for some reason that’s just not good enough for her husband. She loves working for the company and doesn’t expect to be cofounder and actually feel like it’s a lot of pressure for her. She’s being swayed by her husband and now I feel like I can’t have her on if he’s already going to be a problem this early. She said she would chose me over her husband and sadly I think it’s true. We are best friends since childhood and family. Her husband has been burned very badly in business and even though I have never done that to anyone and I’ve never had that experience he is extremely un trusting. If you have any advice at all it would be so helpful!

The picture is my mood this morning lol

LaurenaOmstead·Jan 27, 2022

My husband is like this. I feel like it’s normal to support your husband through all of his ventures no matter how wacky. We have moved five times in just four years. Each time my husband had gotten a new job which he would only be satisfied with for a short period of time and eventually it just wouldn’t work out anymore and because he makes all of the money, I have to just follow along. I have lost so many good friends due to moves. I’m burned out in the friend area now and live super far from any family. He gives me a hard time when I intern places and it creates tension in our marriage and at home. I’m trying to gain valid work experience so I can get a good job but it’s so hard finding those experiences.

BrinnFlagg·Jan 28, 2022

@valemanuel & @LaurenaOmstead: First of all, I just want to say that your empathy and badassness is palpable. Women really are amazing. Second, what I hear in both of your posts is the need for us to get better at working through conflict, together. Conflicts in our closest relationships are scary because so much is at stake. If things don't go well, we could lose our family, friends, job, marriage-all things connected to our security & survival. @valemanuel, the conflicts between your friend and her husband are theirs, it's not actually about business at all. You have become the third in their relationship triangle, 'spreading the tension can stabilize a system, but nothing gets resolved.' And all you can do is embrace the conflict with your friend. This puts you in the seat of authorship of your life. I know you know this a founder. @LaurenaOmstead, similarly, the longer you run from conflict with your husband, the longer you feel like a passenger in your own life. Conflict is about taking personal responsibility and making a giant leap in your self development. It's normal to support EACH OTHER in relationship. And the path to authorship in our lives does not deny the pain and struggle you've been through but blaming gets us nowhere. We all have a tendency to blame others and that keeps us in victim mode. At the end of the day, conflict is often the small things, the withholding and indirect communication that create conflict. We put off an uncomfortable conversation which only leads to more conflict. I encourage you both as empowered badass women in this community to take steps towards ownership. What is yours and what is not? 1. Admit you're stuck and need help2. Take personal responsibility for the outcome you want3. Embrace and engage in conflict4. Learn and grow your self developmentYou're doing great amazing things. Here for you if you need or want to chat more! <3

valemanuel·Jan 28, 2022

yes there is so much at stake :( Thank you for understanding and yes @LaurenaOmstead its totally between them and this has been long coming. I think I am just now a vehicle for the long standing argument of him not trusting her to make her own financial decisions and his fear of her being hurt by someone like he has been.