Asking for advise on negotiation email

Hi I am new here and would like to ask the community for advise. I interviewed 3 rounds and then got a job offer. they asked me what my range was and I said 70-75k per year (hoping I could get 65)

then he send me the offer with 47k.

now with the help of a friend I am trying the collaborative negotiation method and saying this:

Hi Xxx,

thank you very much for your offer. I'm glad your interested, and I am interested too in joining the Xxx team as a 3D Design & Implementation Specialist, and therefore relocate from Berlin to Munich.

I hope we can work together to meet each other on the salary, as well as other benefits such as relocation assistance or other options that might help reflect the higher cost of living in Munich.

With over 5 years of experience in the industry, I am confident that I can contribute to the company's success and growth. My extensive knowledge of the industry, understanding of garment making, as well as 2D and 3D CAD software will enable me to excel in this role working with multiple XXX cross-functional teams and influential external brands.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I am excited about the opportunity to work with you and your team and look forward to finding a mutually beneficial solution.

Happy for any thoughts or proposals - either by email or over the phone.

Kind regards,

what do you think about the bold part?

thank you for any thoughts!



I suggest asking for a call and negotiating over the phone/zoom. The fact that they sent you an initial offer via email is a sneaky thing companies do to make it seem like you need to respond/negotiate via email.You'll have much more leverage if you have a live conversation. What you wrote in the email above you can use as a semi script for the call. Good luck!
Thank you Stephanie, I have sent out the letter already. I am actually not so good talking face to face or phone so I thought I could express my needs better this way. Also the hiring person said that from now on it will be only emails (then he sent me the offer and CC‘d the CEO and HR. We all live in different time zones so I guess that might be a reason and also everyone involved wants to read my answer as well. I will update as soon as I habe a reply. Thank you
I would use some online tools that show salaries and the cost of living differences between the cities, do call instead of doing this in email. Let them know you are flattered that they want to hire you but that the salary they offered you is well outside of the range you mentioned at the outset of the interviews. Let them know you don't expect the top end if that is out of their budget but that to make ends meet you need the bottom at the least. Do know that if they cannot meet that need you have to walk away. Good luck!