This is an anonymous post from an Elpha member.

Dealing with violent communication from your manager

Ashlie97·May 16, 2022

I've been at my new job for about 5 months. My manager often insinuates I'm lost in the company by saying things like "if you remember from the OKRs" whenever I ask a question in our meetings.

There are also other ways he communicates with me that insinuates this and about me towards other people like "she may not want to do that" , instead of "I'll see if my team has the time and capacity to take this on." The way he communicates paints me in a bad light to other people.

My situation:

I was hired by the CEO for this role, though he hasn't bothered to do a 1:1 with me since I've started. I also see other employees getting their 30/60/90 day check ins. I never received any.

I've begun to hate coming into work every day. The only thing that gets me by is the love I have for the technology (I'm in computer vision), and being around engineers I am learning from.

I have another offer lined up with a hiring + direct manager who is great with me. The role is also a step up "Lead Developer Advocate" with a pay increase of about 40k.

My questions:

1. Should I be concerned about how a 5 month job looks on my CV?

2. Should I be concerned about this company black labeling me to people in our network for leaving so soon? (It is a YC company)

3. What would you do in my shoes?

Naomi·May 16, 2022

Ahhh that is so hard!! It sucks to hate coming into work and sucks even more to not feel psychologically safe at work.Truthfully... I'm internally screaming "get out of there"!! That kind of advice is really hard to give -- it's your life, and you know yourself and your career path and your own happiness better than anyone else. If I'm off here and you want to talk about how to communicate with your manager to start improving your comms, totally totally let me know.... but....It does sound like you are also internally screaming that you want out, and just have a few hesitations (which is totally normal! leaving a job is a big thing!!)In my experience:1. Nope -- I really would not worry about this unless it's a constant pattern (like, you've had jobs for 2 months, then 4 months, then 2 months over the course of a decade... even then, still not really a thing in tech I've found and DEFINITELY not a reason to stay in a bad situation)2. Always a possibility that former employers will say something negative -- but in my opinion, that's a really unkind thing to do, and that looks worse on them than on you.3. It sounds like that new offer would treat you better, includes a pay increase, a step up, and you do want it! Any reasonable org would be happy for you to be making the right move for yourself :)It's in your employer's best interest to let you go on good terms as well (YOUR word about THEM matters too! If they suck as an employer and that gets out, that's not good for them either). It's sometimes hard to see this if you're being treated badly, but it's really the responsibility of the company you work for to treat you with kindness and respect. The right thing for your employer to do upon you leaving is for them to say "hey, congrats on the new role! we're sad to see you go but we know you made the right choice for yourself" and anything other than that is a bad move on their part.Good luck :))) keep us posted!

Blake188·May 16, 2022

Wow, so sorry to hear you are being so terribly disrespected.As one who had experienced 6 months of hell in a hostile workplace, my advice is to get the heck out as fast as you can. I made the mistake of hanging on because I didn't have another job lined up—bad idea, should have jumped anyway—I ended up suffering PTSD and impostor syndrome for *2 years*! Finally overcame that through the wonderful kindness of a career mentor.Congrats on having an offer—get it signed ASAP, then jump. If you think you can do so without it damaging your mental well-being, you could offer to stay on for 2 weeks to make a smooth exit (paid, of course), but if you feel in anyway that this may impact your mental health, you owe the company nothing, in which case you can say you are resigning effective immediately. If you like, go ahead and let your favorite colleagues know that you appreciated them—I'm sure they will understand. I suggest you avoid the urge to post a negative review to Glassdoor/wherever, at least for a few years, to ensure that doesn't come back to bite you.Please note: I am not a lawyer and have no idea of labor laws wherever it is you live, so I offer my opinions only as such and thus assume no consequences of your choices and actions. I am here simply to cheer you on and share my empathy. Do what is best for you, with grace and an eye toward the future. Best of luck!

boboTjones·May 16, 2022

1. Five months is a reasonable amount of time to determine if a job is a good fit for you. This does not sound like a good fit. 2. This is not legal. 3. Take the new role. Bonus round: OKRs are horrible.

Naomi·May 17, 2022

Hahahh love the bonus round ^^^^ true to ALL!!!!

Ashlie97·May 17, 2022

Thank you all so much! I've decided to put in my 2 weeks first thing in the morning. I knew this was the right thing to do, I just needed to hear it from someone else. Thank you again 🙏

Naomi·May 18, 2022

Congratulations!!!! You got this :)

Alexa167·May 17, 2022

Congrats!! I'm so glad to hear you're getting out. And to answer your original question - no, one five-month stint will not make-or-break you. Employers look for patterns, but everyone gets at least one "whoopsie" in their career. And I'm willing to bet that if they're burning you out, they're also burning others out, so you won't be the only one with a short stint there on your resume.

Connie123·May 17, 2022

Please update us on any reactions after you submit your notice. If they ask why you are leaving, be diplomatic but truthful.

rachelserwetz·May 17, 2022

@Ashlie97, If you have a role lined up that is better and your current one is toxic, then 100% go for it. You should never ever feel bad about leaving a job if it is to pursue something better. Here are some things to consider.-You don't owe your company anything. It is very normal for employees to turn over. 2 weeks notice is normal and valid. The main thing to figure out here is a) are you certain in your decision and b) how can you get comfortable having an uncomfortable conversion (try practicing what you want to say).-As long as you can explain the logic behind why you left and there is a valid/rational reason ie you were pursuing a better role/industry/culture fit, your interviewer will understand. It is very normal to change jobs and while they don't want to see constant job hopping, as long as you can speak to why you made a change and it makes some sense, they're mainly just checking that you're not irrational or rash with decision making.-One thing you can do if you want to stick out the job and you're not totally sure what your right/best path is, if you want to stay where you're at but pursue career exploration, this is the process where you can take 2-3 months to figure out which role/industry/culture is the best fit for you, and then pursue the job search. This way, you can stay where you're at but be productive by clarifying your ideal direction & then pursuing job search, while still elongating your current experience.-That being said, sometimes quitting is the best option if you want to open up your time to pursuing new/better opportunities, and if you have runway to support you for at least 6 months.If you have other concerns that I didn't address, I'm happy to hop on a free 20 min career coaching call if you'd like! BTW, I'm Rachel, a Career Coach (iamwoken.com), and I offer a ton of free videos and blogs on my website here - iamwoken.com/resources. I help with: a) seeking clarity on your best fit/ideal career path or next step/direction, b) debating upskiling opportunities, c) improving your personal branding, d) pursuing a strategic job search or e) advancing along your path and navigating your current workplace and more! Let me know if you'd like a free initial career coaching call --> calendly.com/woken/demo

Morgan·May 18, 2022

Leave. Don't put it on the resume if you don't want to!

jasminepfingsten·May 23, 2022

I would leave. If anyone thinks the five months thing is weird, they can be adult enough to ask about it, and you can give them an honest answer about it not being a good fit.

Ashlie97·Jun 07, 2022

Update: I left, gave the reason why to HR during my exit interview and the CTO in a similar meeting. My hiring manager, (the CEO) didn’t reach out until my last day. No meeting was scheduled with him.I’m not sure if anything was done about this person, but it feels so good not being there anymore! Thank you ladies! I start my new job as a Lead (leveled up) at a new company next week! And I increased my income by $60k! Everything happens for a reason