How my Husband and I Approach our FinancesFeatured

aprilfrancis's profile thumbnail
Beautiful post. Great advice. Thanks for sharing with the community.
americaturner's profile thumbnail
@FLW thank you for sharing! My husband and I started an “emergency savings account” during this pandemic and have started listening to finance podcasts such as Talk Money etc. I find that goals and saving accounts are great things to have in marriage!
FLW's profile thumbnail
@americaturner That’s amazing to hear — I love hearing stuff like this! Yes, given the current pandemic, it is so important to build up that emergency savings account. After the pandemic, I’d highly recommend to not touch that account so that it remains as your emergency fund. Once you save enough, start to then put money towards maximizing your 401k, Roth IRA (or back door IRA), paying off loans etc. don’t stop saving!Embarrassed to say, but I don’t listen to too many podcasts but will definitely check out Talk Money — thank you!! It’s something I need to develop better habits on 😳.
HannahPandolph's profile thumbnail
Great post! My husband and I basically do the same as you. When we first got married, I made significantly less than my husband. We would argue about finances a lot. There was a lot of guilt and shame that I was holding on to because I didn't make as much. I constantly worried about spending money, and I was annoyed when my husband was carelessly spending money. This was my own baggage that I had around finances and, probably, control issues. We've always openly talked about finances, but that guilt and shame really made it hard for me to ask my husband to curb his spending tendencies. A few years ago our salaries began to match. That's when we set up our allowances. It was a game changer/stress reliever for me. This year, I re-evaluated our accounts and set up a real savings account and started heavily investing in our retirement plan. I love reading about personal finance (it helps with those control issues I mentioned 😊).
FLW's profile thumbnail
@HannahPandolph thank you for sharing! 100% agree. I felt the same guilt & shame because like you, I made less than my husband which makes it hard to feel that it’s my place to comment on his spending or justify some of my splurges. However, my husband was very empathetic and would constantly remind me that our money is joint and I shouldn’t think so much about “your money” vs “my money.” Part of our conversation on integrating our income together was just that — think of our income/finances as well and both playing a fair share into our spending habits. But that guilt/shame will never go away, and as our net worth grew closer overtime, it definitely help.But for others who have an income difference with their partner, work towards removing that guilt! It’s a conversation to have with your partner because you have to recognize that as long as one person makes more, it by default will force the “poorer” person to upgrade their lifestyle purely because your life is so integrated together once you’re married (or dating).
HannahBaldovino's profile thumbnail
Great advice here! Clear cut plans and action items. Super useful thanks for sharing!
mxtinahess's profile thumbnail
Thanks for sharing! Always interesting and helpful to see what others are doing :)
JanetYen's profile thumbnail
Thanks for sharing. My SO and I are just getting into these conversations.
FLW's profile thumbnail
Great to hear! It takes time to get into it and set good habits, but trust me, it’s worth it. My husband and I took a very long time to develop better habits when it comes to our eating out budget.
Yami's profile thumbnail
Thank you for sharing this FLW. Great insights
alimagg's profile thumbnail
Thank you so much for sharing! Such an important topic, and you provide such clear, tangible advice :)In building my product, an app for couples called Lovewick, the topics of money and navigating dual income household responsibilities came up all the time, so I actually have an entire "deck" of open-ended questions for couples to facilitate these kinds of conversations in a less threatening, more proactive way.Here are a few sample questions:1. Did your parents both work growing up? How has their dynamic influenced your perspective on work?2. What would you do with an extra $1000 to spend just on yourself?3. What does it mean for you to feel financially comfortable? Why do you think that is?4. How do you feel about lending money to family members? To friends?5. What is your ideal vision of retirement?I'm always seeking more feedback from a diversity of couples, so if this sounds at all interesting, would love folks to check out the product (available in US App Store, and in beta if abroad. Hoping to expand to Android sooner rather than later)www.lovewick.comThanks!
FLW's profile thumbnail
I love this!! 1, 3, 4, 5 are questions my husband and I have discussed about. The way your parents raised you have huge impact on what your spending & savings habits are. My parents live extremely frugal growing up and talked about savings & 401k our whole lives. I remember missing a couple of school lunches when I was young because I wanted to save my allowance to get rich😂 (hey, every dollar counts!). But now, my parents are able to enjoy retirement and seeing their hard work pay off really motivates me to also be on a good path to retirement. Granted, I do splurge here and there but my husband & I are on the same page in terms of what we need to do every year to save and be FAT FIRE.Separately, some other questions to talk about are: how much do you plan to pay for your future kids (would we pay 100% of their college and graduate tuition?), would you send your kids to public vs private schools, do either of you need to support your parents in the future, are your jobs stable, are you in a job with huge salary potential / steady income flow / unpredictable highs and lows / heavy on bonus?
alimagg's profile thumbnail
@FLW Yes, yes, yes! Love these follow up questions, and that anecdote about skipping school lunches -- thank you! It's incredible what norms around spending/saving we subconsciously pick up as we're growing up (based on parents, community we live in, media, etc.). What really strikes me is what the symbol of money means to a person vs. their partner. Is money security? Is it power and influence? Is it freedom? This depends so much on our past experiences and differences in the symbolism of money will likely manifest in so many conflicts downstream, if you aren't able to recognize and respect where your partner's underlying beliefs come from.Thank you for your reply :)
christinei's profile thumbnail
My husband lets me manage the finances. It works very well since I like numbers and budgets--we never argue about money since I take his needs into account when coming up with our monthly budget.
FLW's profile thumbnail
I love that! Today, my husband manages most of our finances. As long as you two are align on it and someone is ensuring financial success, that’s what matters.