This is an anonymous post from an Elpha member.

Seeking help figuring out how to turn things around and overcome imposter syndrome....

anonymous·Apr 16, 2019

Hi ElphasI hope everyone is well.I’m dealing with a situation where I am not happy at my current place of work and know I’m underperforming, even though I do believe I’m trying to turn things around it just doesn’t seem to be working. This is a new space for me as I’ve always been someone who has achieved what I’ve set my mind to. I’m not happy where I am for the simple reason that the company directors that I work closely with aren’t the best at managing people [confirmed by conversations I’ve had with the rest of the team]. I’ve tried to discuss this with my directors but we have constant miscommunications - I don’t feel like I understand them and find it difficult to ‘speak their language’ and manage the situation into a positive for myself. This has completely shattered my confidence in my ability to do fullfil my responsibilities and am now wondering if I’m actually good at what I do, and a consequence of that is my motivation is also suffering. I’m currently looking for a new position but concerned that I may encounter similar behaviours and won’t have to tools for dealing with it. Has anyone ever dealt your current role affecting your self confidence and inflating imposter syndrome?I would love to hear if you have any suggestions as to how to deal with that and also how I could possibly make a last attempt at turning around my performance. As I know and have performed much better. Thank you for reading and your time!

kuan·Apr 16, 2019

Hi! Thank you for sharing! Two thoughts came to mind: > Has anyone ever dealt your current role affecting your self confidence and inflating imposter syndrome?For sure! There are always moments when I self-doubt, and the convinced that I'm not good at what I do or I don't know what I'm doing. Acknowledging this feeling when it comes up and then putting it aside help a lot. I was reading Brené Brown's book for our book club last night, and there's one quote from her that I love: I'm just a traveler as you are, not a mapmaker. We're all trying to figure things out. So this feeling is normal. Also, vocalizing this feeling with my team and also with my close friends and partner helps too! They are there for me and cherish all my imperfections. > I don’t feel like I understand them and find it difficult to ‘speak their language’ and manage the situation into a positive for myself.When I find myself miscommunicate with someone else, I usually step back and wonder "What does this person care the most about? What keeps this person up at night?" This question helps me shift my mindset from a report/coworker to a friend/stranger who simply wants to understand. I wonder perhaps having a dialogue and try to say as little as possible and actively listen to what your director has to say would help you see their perspective, and see how your role can contribute to their goals. Hugs! And good luck!

jenhope·Apr 16, 2019

Hey Anon, I totally get this and want to validate your experience. Conflict with management would shake anyone's confidence. While I know you feel like your confidence is shattered, I get the sense that you also realize that you have strengths and gifts and skills that are valuable to the right team/organizattion. Focus on those things right now and take small (think lego-block small) steps forward. Those small steps will add up over time, becoming the strong foundation on which you stand. Reach out directly if you want to connect further.

brianafm·Apr 17, 2019

I recommend creating a brag sheet. We did it in high school and gave it to the teachers we were requesting to write letters of recommendation on our behalf. It's a list of your accomplishments! And it's great to revisit when you're feeling unsure of yourself. Give it a shot!

KaitlynHanrahan·Apr 17, 2019

Just get out of there! If you're not happy and you're not getting along with management, you're not going to start performing better. Buckle down on the job search. Start fresh. If you see the problem repeat itself, only then should you consider that it's you. Cause, sure, it could be you. But it almost definitely just the situation.