Relationship with toxic leader questions about dealing with hostile leader

Hi Gleice,You're not alone. Many of us have dealt with difficult leaders. Below are my thoughts. You may not agree with all of them. Know that I share them with love and you can take what works for you and leave the rest.The way other people act has more to do with their own crap than you. They feel judged and defensive so they judge. They're annoyed at someone else so they act annoying to you. That doesn't make it okay, but it can help you to not take it personally.It's up to you to let them know when their behavior is not okay. If we don't tell people they've crossed our boundaries they will continue to do so. CALMLY say "when you did/said … I interpreted it as … and felt …". Ask for clarification. Is that how they meant it? Try to be curious. Let them know you don't let other people treat you that way.This is most effective when you say it calmly and firmly. If you're emotional in the moment, you can talk with them days or even weeks later. It's okay to say you needed time to process it before you could have the conversation.Even after this conversation, they may not change their behavior. People always get to decide how they want to act. And you get to decide what to do if they continue to cross your boundary. Report them to HR? Look for a new role in the company where you don't have to interact with this leader? Leave the company?The bottom line is, YOU need to take responsibility for your experience. If you wait for them to change you'll stay exactly where you are emotionally. When you take responsibility, you create the ability to respond.All the best,Jen