This is an anonymous post from an Elpha member.

Straight male colleague makes 50% more than me (queer woman)

Angie122·Oct 20, 2021

I've been in a funk ever since I learned a male colleague, who has been with the company as long as I have and had followed a similar career ptag (though I'be had more ownership/responsibility), makes $50,000 more than I do, as an out queer woman. We're both senior PMs.

It would be fine if I felt he was more effectual, but others at the company dislike him because he's selfish, smarmy, lazy, and a bit of a creep. I have far more responsibilities at the company, and I'm seen as a better team member.

I learned the information in confidence, and when I recently asked for a raise I was told they couldn't go above a 15% bump.

I want to ask the VP of our department about the discrepancy - she's another woman and she's been a kind, supportive mentor to me. But I've been told in other articles not to ask about these pay discrepancies directly. Should I ask her why he's paid so much more? Or should I keep my mouth shut and stew in my indignant rage?

Wynona23·Oct 20, 2021

First of all, that sucks and I'm sorry you have to deal with this BS. I would avoid asking about the discrepancy directly (at least save it as a last resort) because people can get defensive when you point this out, and depending on how much you like this company, it might not be to your advantage.I would definitely not just stew in rage, good PMs are in high demand (assuming you're in US) and you have a lot of options! Honestly, probably the best thing you can do is apply to some jobs and get better offers. Then either ask your current company for your desired salary or just move on.There are also ways you can kind of hint at the salary discrepancy without directly asking about it:- If your currently salary is below market rate, you can try to use that as way to ask for more ("my salary is x and market rate for a senior pm is y, so a 15% raise would still leave me below market rate for my current role")- If you current salary is around market rate, but maybe at the middle of lower end, you can try to discuss how your current responsibilities and work output actually put you in a higher role, with a higher salary- If they keep saying no, you can ask about how roles & salaries are determined at the company and what will you need to accomplish to get the role & salary you want. Of course, the above is much easier to do if you have a counter offer or are willing to leave.

christinamorgan·Oct 20, 2021

Urff. This is a major WTF moment, and an outcome of a much larger systems problem around equitable pay. I imagine it feels demotivating, disheartening, and a little like a gd money heist. $50k is a lot. To play devil's advocate - there could be inputs related to the complexity of that product line and/or team, revenue generation, and/or some other under-the-hood or otherwise political nuance that influences the salary range for the role. There also could be none of those things, and just a provocative reality where he's paid $50k more because he required it in his negotiation - end of story. Stewing in rage will eat away at your mental health sooner than later, so it sounds taking some action is probably a good idea. Options I see:-Gather more info subtly - for ex. presenting your earnings goal to HR and ask how you can achieve that pay rate in the org, or asking about the specifics of different PM roles, as if you were interested in a team change - and then decide how to take action with that add'l info-Align the responsibilities and business outcomes of the 2 roles side-by-side, be direct in asking your VP or HR what merits such a drastic pay gap, and what they can offer to right-size you-Quietly take your talents elsewhere, negotiating equitable comp for what you now know is possible up front All are a little jarring, but remember that you are always in a position of choice. Rooting for you. ❤️

Ronnie44·Oct 21, 2021

I wonder if you could say something concealed like 'there's alot of talk about gender pay transparency and reporting, what does our company do about that? What is our pay gap percentage?' It might be a gentle nudge to make them panic and get their ducks in a row. I would say it to whoever's direct responsibility it is (eg HR Manager). Or even a direct approach with the HR Manager, saying 'I've learnt xx is on $50k more than me (I can't reveal my sources), would you mind walking me through that breakdown and reason for the discrepancy? It will help me to understand what resp/qualifications I need to focus on to reach that level.' If there is a reason, they'll be able to back it up quickly, if not, you may get bumped up.I don't think you can sit on this information though, you'll internalise it and it will come out in other ways, eg, disengaging from work.