We’re all builders—of startups, careers, networks, even our daily routines. But how often do we step back and ask: Is what I’m doing/ building really serving me? Does it reciprocate the energy, time, and investment I put in?
A close friend’s recent experience drove this home for me.
She’d just gone through a health scare, leading her to make significant lifestyle changes. As she said to me, “These things I cut out—coffee, drinks, the fake friends —they don’t love me back.”
And it hit me—what if we applied that same scrutiny to everything we commit ourselves to?
It’s easy to let momentum override mindfulness. We drive our startups, careers, and goals forward with intensity and ambition, yet rarely pause to ask if they’re driving us forward in return.
Just like relationships, our pursuits should offer mutual growth. If they don’t, we risk burnout, dissatisfaction, or missing out on something that would.
Imagine if, like my friend, we regularly assessed our lives through this lens. It’s about auditing our commitments: that caffeine fix, the late nights, the endless scaling—does it add value? Does it give you energy back?
The real measure of success isn’t simply what we achieve, but whether our achievements sustain us, enrich us, and—yes—love us back.
Knowing if something (or someone) “loves you back” means looking at how it impacts you, what it gives versus what it takes, and whether it supports your well-being and growth. Here are some creative ways to explore this for different aspects of your life:
- Your Coffee (...or drink for that matter) Ask yourself, Does it leave me energized or jittery? Does that cup fuel creativity, or is it a crutch I rely on to power through exhaustion? If coffee loves you back, it might mean it brings a ritual of calm, focus, and warmth—rather than just a temporary buzz followed by an energy crash.
- Your Job: Think about how it makes you feel at the end of each day. Does it make you feel accomplished, challenged in a good way, and excited for what’s next? Or does it leave you drained, anxious, and burnt out? A job that loves you back is one that challenges you while supporting your growth and well-being, a role that not only meets your needs but inspires you.
- Your Friend: A friend who loves you back will cheer you on in your achievements and sit with you in your failures. They show up consistently, not just in the highs but also in the lows. Do they add joy, honesty, and balance to your life—or do they drain your energy and demand without giving back?
- Your Routine: Does it support your mental and physical health? Think of the habits, the gym sessions, the self-care rituals—are they done out of genuine care for yourself, or just because you think you should? A routine that loves you back helps you grow and brings balance, rather than adding stress or pressure.
- Your Startup: Reflect on the energy exchange. Does it fill you with excitement and purpose, or does it consume you without feeding your soul? A startup that loves you back allows you to learn, grow, and contribute meaningfully, rather than draining your life for every last bit of energy and inspiration.
You get the picture!
Ultimately, if it “loves you back,” it nurtures, respects, and aligns with you. It adds to your life, rather than taking more than it gives. The question isn’t just about what you do or consume but about how it supports who you are and who you’re becoming.
......Or does your relationship with X or Y start to feel more like an unhealthy or even abusive relationship?
This isn’t about walking away from hard work or challenges. It’s about aligning that hard work with things that reward us in meaningful ways. As we build, let’s ensure we’re building with purpose.
