This is an anonymous post from an Elpha member.

Relationship to work after having a baby? Struggling with upcoming return to 9-5

Stefania207·Oct 22, 2023

Posted in:Family & Relationships Health & Wellness Society & Culture Money Parenting

Hi All,

I'm typically a super career focused driven individual in a senior position in my field with an MBA degree. i thought for sure i would be jumping to get back into my job (which i love by the way!)

Now after having my first baby my priorities have shifted completely. i have zero interest in working a full 9-5 while spending the majority of my time away from my baby. US policy is insane btw 12 weeks is not enough.

I'm now considering alternative paths like pulling back from full time and working freelance or doing contract projects but mostly focus on spending time with my current and potentially future babies while i can. Financially we could swing it cutting back on extras like less frequent vacations etc.

Has anyone felt a similar shift? Have you changed the way you work now?

Iynna·Oct 23, 2023

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and congratsss on new baby :) I am not a mom but I have friends who are and their priorities have definitely shifted! That you want to spend time with your baby is very admirable and also a very important realisation imho!I am linking you some recent threads to show you that you're not alone (not all are moms but maybe it will give you comfort that this is actually more frequent than not!) https://elpha.com/posts/4o606gf4/how-to-tell-my-micromanaging-boss-i-don-t-want-to-improve-in-my-next-performance-review#b38tmv5rhttps://elpha.com/posts/34eyotht/lost-all-desire-for-a-career-any-advice https://elpha.com/posts/1kzu35s/relationship-to-work-after-having-a-baby-struggling-with-upcoming-return-to-9-5

CindyPB·Oct 24, 2023

Yes! Totally normal. And after 12 weeks, you're still exhausted, your body's healing... it's wayyyyy too soon to feel ready to go back to work.I cut back to part time after my first was born — I was lucky enough that my company let me do that. Although women *should* be able to take a year off for baby-bonding without any career repercussions, that's not always the case. So what you're suggesting (project work and keeping up your contacts) is a good plan. The other thing you could consider is looking for a remote job. There are thousands in the Liftery Talent Hub (liftery.com/talent-hub), and you could see if anything seems to fit. Congratulations on becoming a mom!

cristinastam·Oct 26, 2023

Yes, totally! I've had the same (in the NL you get 12 weeks as well), but pushed for two months extra unpaid, and was VERY happy about it! at the time. And many friends and relatives I know felt exactly the same after the baby.It's likely just... normal :)I did go back to work, and with covid and all it became a lot..I stopped my intense, full-time job at the end of last year. I am currently freelancing but I stay open to part-time opportunities. In my experience, the moment the big money stops coming in, the big expenses get cut as well, and you realize your child is suddenly happier...I don't regret it at all..

LauraNoren·Jul 25

I'm not a mother (also not a monster), but am a social scientist. I am wondering out loud if there have been any studies about the likelihood that a mother will return to work at the same position if she gets 12 months vs 12 weeks to bond with her baby. Twelve weeks doesn't seem right for anyone other than the employer, but it's not even clear that it is better for an employer if they are getting a bunch of reluctant workers who just aren't ready yet.