How do you feel about negotiating?

JennineJacob·Apr 22, 2021

Posted in:Advice Compensation Family & Relationships Personal Growth Money Career Growth

Women are not bad negotiators... but for many women, walking that line between asserting themselves and abiding by stereotypical expectations adds a whole level of challenge to an already challenging situation. Because of that, a lot of women dread negotiations, or they think that's "not for me." How do you personally feel about negotiating? What are some challenges that you constantly face? How did you overcome those challenges, or how would you like to overcome them?

teresaman·Apr 22, 2021

What a great question! In recent years I've learnt to be a lot more confident and assertive in my negotiations, but it doesn't mean that I don't question myself during/after, and wonder if I'm asking for "too much" or if the sheer act of doing so would reflect poorly upon me.

JennineJacob·Apr 26, 2021

I hear you on that. There are people out there who get triggered any time a woman asserts herself, and the way our culture is, a lot of women think it's their fault for "asking for too much" when in fact, it's the people who believe women should behave in a certain way (more submissive). I mean, everyone should be able to ask for what they're worth without wondering if it was too much.

Iynna·Apr 22, 2021

It is definitely not easy/uncomfortable but I like to say I am Cameroonian, negotiating is in my DNA haha! How do you feel about it Jennine?

JennineJacob·Apr 26, 2021

"Negotiating is in my DNA" LOVE THAT. It is not easy, but I feel like that's mostly because of the way most people see negotiating... like a zero sum game with winners and losers. I feel like since taking more collaborative approaches, and seeing negotiation as a way to problem solve, things have gotten a lot easier.

Iynna·Apr 27, 2021

Honestly if you believe it, it becomes normal! I negotiate everything! What's worst they can tell us? NO or No go away? fine I will go away and find better :-) Exactly negotiating is NOT a zero-sum game, and everyone can win!

AllisonNguyen·Apr 23, 2021

Heard a quote from a TV show once that said, “You don’t get if you don’t dare.” So it just clicked for me there and later helped me adjust my mindset around negotiating. Also recommend reading “Never Split the Difference” as a guide on how to start negotiating because as the book mentions, life is a series of negotiations. Better to be prepared and get the better outcome of it :)

JennineJacob·Apr 26, 2021

Love "never split the difference."

maggiewolff·Apr 23, 2021

I didn't negotiate for far too long in my career. I didn't really have anyone encouraging me to do so, but I also didn't seek out any resources to learn how. And now I think about all the money I probably left on the table. I still feel like I don't do it enough (have yet to ever negotiate an annual review/compensation change) and still don't feel confident enough about it most of the time.

JennineJacob·Apr 26, 2021

Same... I avoided negotiating like the plague. I've also found that learning how to negotiate has opened the door to so much personal growth... like how to listen and how to understand emotions, which are critical parts to negotiating authentically. It takes time, and a lot of practice, but well worth it.

christinetreacy·Apr 23, 2021

I used to be pretty terrified of this but have felt better about it as I've gotten older. Some of the best advice I got was from my dad a few years back when my current company was playing games with me about a raise. He said, "I don't understand. You asked for a raise, they should either say 'yes' or 'no'. Why are they making such a big deal about it?" And from them on I've tried to remind myself that the worst they can say is "no". That's it! That's the worst response. So now I aim higher than what I think they'll give me so I don't leave money on the table. I'm currently waiting to hear if a company I interviewed with is going to offer me a job and I'm prepared for them to lowball me. But I know my bottom line and I'm sticking to it.

JennineJacob·Apr 26, 2021

Good luck with the job offer! What you are you going to do if they lowball you? They say you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, so at least by taking the shot you have a chance of it going through, and if it doesn't work out, the worst that can happen is having to try again. :)

christinetreacy·Apr 27, 2021

Completely agree! I will counter if they lowball me. If we can reach a number that I'm happy with then that'll be great, but if not, I'll move on.