This is an anonymous post from an Elpha member.

Overcoming new job burn out - how do I reverse this?

Posted in:Advice Health & Wellness Lifestyle Personal Growth Productivity

I've recently joined a high-functioning team and as a self-confessed high-functioning queen, I thought I would love it.

A few months into the role and burnout has fully kicked in. My diet is trash, I'm struggling energy-wise and my brain is starting to feel very fried. In recent days, I've been having chest pains and aches, and about an hour ago I broke down in tears when I realised I'd mistakenly overcommitted, against my better judgment.

I'm getting great feedback, constantly. However, my fear of negative feedback and getting fired means I'm taking way too much on. I can't seem to say no when I want to. And I'm being far too responsive/available when I'm actually pretty slammed.

I recognize that it's time for a hard reset, does anyone have any advice on how to go about this?

Thank you in advance 🙏

Iynna·Sep 07

Congrats on new job but oof sorry to hear about the burnout! have you considered therapy or recruiting some professional help to help you sort through some of your patterns of behaviours? Most importantly based on your post, I wonder if you might have some issues setting boundaries with yourself and others. of course, all of this will not be changed overnight but will need to be a daily practice - for instance on how to ensure you stop fearing getting negative feedback. For a short term fix: everyday establish a list of tasks/things to do (you can write that the night before / at the end of the previous workday) and you stick to that list, try to have some weekly check in with your managers to understand how things are going (getting great feedback is good but if you can ask more specific feedback on what went really well etc. so you know specifically where your strengths lie and how to double down on those).

Garnett22·Sep 07

Thank you for your kind response.I do have issues setting boundaries with myself and others. I've been good in some areas (leaving at a decent time and not responding to emails on weekends). Clearly there's work to do in other areas. Good shout on the task list. I did that this week for the first time in ages and by the end of the week I was disappointed by what I'd not been able to do. I will try a daily list, as well as a weekly, to stay focused and ensure that I get things done.The good feedback is specifically around proactiveness, responsiveness to suggestions/gentle direction. So I have doubled down in those areas. Perhaps too much on the responsiveness which takes over my to do list and leaves me a little overwhelmed.I have seen people recommend asking things like "this is what i'm working on, what would you like me to deprioritise for this" when asked to do something new, but that feels a little passive aggressive. Maybe that's just something I need to get over though as it does provide some steer...

Iynna·Sep 08

You have great awareness and just reading your note here, I have a feeling that things will get better as you progress. In other words, I think what you're currently going through is certainly a rough phase, but it is a phase. Commenting on your last sentence - it does feel passive aggy I agree :) and I personally hate the formulation, but the spirit of the sentence is good! If your superiors are asking, could you perhaps say something like "when is the deadline to get this done? Asking because I am currently working on A,B, and C, which I was under the impression were high priorities projects. But tell me if you think otherwise. "And if it's a peer, just tell them you're working on A,B,C and you can get to this [insert date in the future].

Toccara131·Sep 08

Congrats on the new job! I'm starting a new job soon, after recovering from burnout from my last job. Drawing boundaries and setting expectations are great advices from others in this post. Here are a few things I'm planning to do to set myself up for a more sustainable work/life balance. While I can't 100% say this is a strategy that will work for me, a few of these things have definitely helped me in the past- No-notification mode on Slack. I noticed after a reasonable hour, messages that come in aren't at all high priority and they can wait until next morning. I also have to practice self control not to open the app when I see that notification icon. Once I notice that not responding immediately had no effect on my performance, I felt more reassured. - I often feel like I can't leave my desk for long periods of time even for eating or working out. I block lunch time hour on my calendar so my team knows where I'm at. I notice after this, they'll always end off request with "this can wait until after your lunch time!". I've learned to trust my coworkers to tell me when a task needs attention immediately, or this can wait until I finish my lunch. Similarly, for workouts, when I fit in 30mins-1hour of workout, it's great for my physical health but also I am mentally preparing myself for the day (or tasks) ahead.On days you feel like you have chest pains or you need a good 1 hour cry, be easy on yourself and practice self care. I personally like to have a good hearty meal and just shut off the world for the rest of the day. I tell myself tomorrow I will do 1 small thing to improve on my routine/drawing boundaries/mindset.With receiving positive feedback, trust that you do great work. If you stretch yourself too thin, that will become the new normal. It's hard to learn to say no, I get it (I'm learning every day)! I think I've improved a lot over the years, but I know that with every effort that I try to improve, it takes time and effort but will be better for my future <3

Rina86·Sep 09

Sorry you’re going through that - I can 10000% relate. Overcommitting and boundary setting is something I am still working on. A few things that might help:- Try doing less, and see if anyone notices. Then you know your actual bandwidth for getting things done, rather than your internal expectations. - When I’m working on tasks I completely exit out of Slack until I’m done. Maybe set aside an hour or two each day for just responding to messages. You will be more productive when you ignore distractions and prioritize yourself. - Your health should be your top priority. You can only show up with what you have. So if you are operating at 20%, then that’s how you’ll show up that day and it’s okay.- Take a week off for yourself to reset! And plan random PTO days ahead of time for resting. - Remember that at the end of the day it’s just a company. Not your company. Not your customers. Not your revenue. So why work so hard for somebody else’s business?You got this, I’m rooting for you!!

mayAtNormili·Sep 09

This is so relatable 💜 Spreading ourselves too thin out of fear of negative feedback, that could lead to getting fired.I have some reflective questions and 2 suggestions for you.1) Do you notice this negative feedback driven behavior for yourself outside of work too? Or does it show up most predominantly at work? 2) How do you feel in your 1:1s with your manager? Is this a person who you can feel safe to ask for support and knowing it’s okay to say no to things that are not your current priority?You can try to suss this out by asking them open ended questions like - “When are times when you had to say no to requests at Work? How did you handle those situations?”If they are a good manager, they’d like to be able to understand where someone on their team is struggling and have an opportunity to coach them.On a personal actionable note, try this:Get yourself 3 spoons 🥄 that represent Yes. At the start of every week, these are your spare yesses. If you say yes to something, move this spoon off your desk into a drawer. When you run out of these yes objects, you can’t say yes to anything else extra that comes up.A physical, tangible representation of your capacity will help you manage your yesses better and choose where to spend them.Lastly, your body is trying to tell you something. When we are burning in burnoutville, our bodies need a longer period of rest to recover. Check out this resource for that www.normili.com/loaburnoutFeel free to reach out if you aren’t able to access that resource or if any questions come up.

korilinn·Sep 09

YES! This is exactly what I help clients with, and I put out free podcast episodes every week to share my tools and teachings with the general public. My podcast is called Satisfied AF and it's in all the places, but I'll also link two specific episodes for your particular situation. My podcast episode on burnout with step by step instructions for solving it: https://www.korilinn.com/podcast/burnout-revisitedAnother podcast episode about needing to do everything just right, all the time, even when it's way too much, and how to overcome it: https://www.korilinn.com/podcast/need-right-backfiresAnd there's another 200 episodes on various topics both personal and professional.BIG congrats on the new role! There's still time to reverse the burnout-inducing habits. I've coached folks who've been in role 5+ years and still successfully shifted their work expectations, boundaries, etc with no pushback from leadership/peers. Some clients even went on to get better performance reviews after we scaled their work back. You've got this!

Garnett22·Sep 11

Thank you so much. You’ve just gained a new subscriber to the podcast!!The Burnout Revisited episode spoke to me at my core, it really did. It helped me to make sense of burnout this time round which is being fuelled by a lack of supportive community and lack of control. At times it feels like I’m fighting to be able to do my job… as in the job that I’m being paid to do. That I was hired to do! I simply lack the necessary support to do my job well in a high-performance environment. Everyday is beginning to feel like a struggle and that’s not what I want for something that takes up so much of my time.

korilinn·Sep 13

My pleasure, and happy to have you as a listener! 🎉Glad the episode was useful in helping you understand your current situation a little more deeply. Fighting to do your job is no fun, and hopefully you'll be able to turn that around and have a better experience moving forward. If you want to chat more about where to go from here, feel free to book a coffee date call with me here and I can give you some customized pointers: www.korilinn.com/coffee

carriewickmandorn·Sep 10

Congratulations on getting a new job! And sorry it’s been overwhelming and causing distress so far. The good news is that you are still fairly new and creating better boundaries now vs later is easier to do. I coach high-achievers who sometimes struggle with people pleasing and perfectionism, to create boundaries and balanced lives so they don’t burn out. Work is important, but your health and well-being are more important! :) If you’d like to schedule a time to chat, I would love to hear more about what you’d love to change about your situation and see if I can help: https://www.carriewickmandorn.com/contact

AnnaLindbergCedar·Sep 11

TherapyForRealLife.com specializes in burnout prevention and meaning-making for big life pivots like yours. Folks in CA, MN, VT, and CO should feel free to book an appointment or consultation to discuss how therapy could be helpful in bringing practical tools and a supportive space as you move forward: https://annacedar.clientsecure.me/ Burnout is trying to tell you something. I'm glad you're listening :) The Therapy For Real Life Podcast adapts these same therapy tools into self-care tips for everyday life: https://www.annacedar.com/podcast/ Good luck on your journey.

Ruthie89·Sep 14

This is where an office friend or two could really be helpful. Managers/founders aren’t going to tell you to dial it back, but a peer will. I’d try connecting with friendly people on roughly your level to get a sense of how much time/effort you need to put in to be considered productive. In several of my workplaces, people wrapped things up at 5 pm on the dot; desks were empty by5:15 pm because people had gone home, gone off to do sports or to happy hour. Anyone who stayed late was seen as over doing it, and making everyone else look bad. Likewise, I’ve worked places where people were workoholics who literally collapsed from too much time on the job. (I hope you aren’t in that situation. I quit a job because I couldn’t deal with that pressure.)

madelineeggering·Sep 18

Congratulations on your new role!! I know it can be extremely difficult to take something on like that without true guidance and direction. I work with a company called BossmakeHer and although we usually focus more on finding the next right role for executive women, we have a new program that is Leading With Impact. It helps to define what your wanting to do in this role, how to make it happen, and how to take care of you in the process. If your interested, let me know or schedule a call here https://calendly.com/madeline-bossmakeher/initial-consult-clone-1

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