Office Hours: I give women the tools to own their worth and ask for what they want without the fear of negative consequences. I’m Ashley Paré. AMA!Featured

Posted in:People & HR Office Hours Compensation Management and Leadership Parenting

Hi Elphas!

I’m Ashley Paré, CEO & Founder at Own Your Worth, where we align purpose driven women with their power to create wealth and lasting impact.

Before becoming a founder, I worked for more than a decade in Human Resources as a leader and Business Partner. I have experience working for global startups in tech and really enjoyed supporting Sales, Engineering, Marketing and Product teams as well as coaching leaders and first time managers.

I’ve always been driven to help others succeed and grow in their careers and loved sharing my HR insider knowledge to help folks navigate the tricky corporate world. I found myself at a crossroads when I was underpaid in a role and afraid to self-advocate and ask for a raise even when I had the HR rulebook and knew I was great at my job. That was the turning point for me that led me to start my coaching and speaking business to help women own their worth, articulate their value, earn more, and take courageous action without feeling afraid of the potential negative consequences.

During my downtime, I enjoy being with my two young boys - I’m a new-ish Mom - and my husband. I do not like to cook! I love to travel, read, and geek out on personal development trends and tools. I’ve worked with therapists, a Shaman, a Human Design expert and more in order to grow and research modalities for self-development that inform my work with clients. I’m currently working on my first book!

Ask me anything about making a big ask or taking bold action, building confidence, leadership development, market value, advocating for yourself, negotiation, promotion readiness, how to leverage HR, managing up, giving and receiving feedback, working in HR, Mom “secrets”, setting rates for side hustle/gig work or, anything else!

ElphaStaff·Oct 29

Thanks so much for joining us @ashleypare!Elphas – please ask @ashleypare your questions before Friday, November 3rd. @ashleypare may not have time to answer every questions, so emoji upvote your favorites 🔥👍🏾➕

Andra92·Oct 30

Hi Ashley! Its great that you're taking the time to give by to the community this way <3 Really appreciate your spirit!Your story strongly resonates with me and I have an issue I'm currently dealing with. I'm not even sure if it qualifies to be an issue or if I'm overthinking it, but just want to put it out there, since I'm unable to make peace with it - I'm currently in a mid-senior role which is quite dynamic and needs great focus. In this job, one needs to always be on their toes with information, networking, communication and especially being vocal about the work they do. While I am all of this and trying to keep up with the demands of the job, I am inherently an introvert and don't like to toot my own horn at the workplace. But others in my team and esp. my line manager are all extroverts, having their chit chat all the time, they network very well within the team and with peers in other teams. Everyone knows about the work they do and get the respect for the work they do. On the other hand, while I am doing all the work required of me, I am unable to go the extra mile in terms of this personality change and bring visibility to my work. To top this, in the recent times I feel my line manager has started to micro manage me even in the way I work (esp. he is very specific about the use of tasks management tools, has set elaborate SOPs and wants it to be done this way only). Rest of the team finds his ways acceptable and laud him for the SOPs he has set.. however it is against my natural ways of working and adding additional stress to my already challenging work. I'm not sure what I should do about it. Should I take it as it is for my own good and look at this as a learning process? OR should I put my foot down and stand up for myself? If it helps, I'm the only woman on the team, rest are men in 35-45 age group. In total it is 6 of us. I am a feminist and hate to use the female card, but in this circumstance I can't help be feel the difference. At this moment it is all too cloudy for me, and I'm unable to think clearly. Any pointers / input from you would be of great help! Thank you :)

ashleypare·Nov 06

@Andra92 I'm so glad you asked your question. Being "the only" is hard work! It sounds like this is weighing on you daily and I can imagine how hard that is especially with a demanding job already. So, I want to ask you - how much is this challenge impacting you? On a scale of 1 -10, based on other work experiences you've had, is this a big deal/problem/challenge for you? Is it costing you sleep, keeping you up at night, or bringing on self-doubt? I don't think growth has to come at any cost. Here's what I'd recommend without knowing more detail, but hoping I can give you some options and a little ray of hope.-Get clear on what you want - what's your ideal outcome on this team, in this role, at this company? What's the best case scenario for you? -Observe the team dynamics a bit more and identify your unique strengths and what makes you different and able to create a bigger impact because you're "the only one", and not like the rest-Connect with HR or others who have been recently promoted on other teams - do you have to be an extrovert to be seen and recognized at this organization?-Who do you trust that can potentially help you self-promote or sponsor you or support you in getting recognition? Ultimately, I think a conversation to level set and potentially clear the air with your manager may be the best first step to make your voice heard so you can own your worth and not just "take" the micro managing. Maybe it's a matter of miscommunication, or perhaps it's something bigger you can address now to make the next best decision for you and your career.

sarahing·Nov 06

I can really relate to this! When I was an engineer, I found it quite draining to be in a leadership position as an introvert. I dreamed of days with no meetings. DREAMED of it.What is the struggle you're going through? What I'm picking out is this " don't like to toot my own horn at the workplace", feeling pressure to make chit chat all the time, and having to be micromanaged. Does that sound accurate?And if so, why is it something you care about? For example, you want a promotion. Or you feel like you don't belong. I'm asking because it can help untangle the underlying beliefs and ways that would work best for you to move forward.Let me know if these questions are helpful and if so, we can go from there :)Sarah

Monserrate82·Oct 30

Hi Ashley - Thanks for sharing your story and congrats on starting your own business and being a newish mom. What advice can you share on how to articulate your value as someone in a job search with 18+ years of very diverse experience (roles held: operations, product management, business transformation, client services, marketing, business development & management consultant across financial services, consulting, eCommerce, tech startups)?I'm applying for senior-level operations roles and the common theme in my background is building business functions and products from scratch and turning around underperforming business units via operational improvements. I feel like I have done a lot but don't have depth in any one area.

ashleypare·Nov 05

Hi @Monserrate82 Look at all your experience! This is a big question I receive: I feel like I have a lot of experience but I'm not an "expert". How can you own the fact that you've seen and understand a LOT of business functions an how that impacts company success? How can you lean into what you really enjoy doing and focus your story and answers to your interview questions based on the work you want to do moving forward? From an operations role I think having broad exposure makes you a huge asset. Is there something in the job description that you don't have experience with that worries you? Showcasing how you're able to adapt, learn quickly, and bring your knowledge of turning around underperforming biz units to an ops role means you'll be able to make impact quickly. I'd recommend having 3-5 examples of situations/projects where you walk the interviewer through your contribution based on your skills, the relationships you created, how you managed deadlines etc. Pull specific real life examples from your broad experience to make it relevant to the job you're applying to now. Here's an example: "Based on my experience with X, I was able to change/create/solve/sell Y, and that impacted/changed/served my former business/boss/bottom line by Z. I know that given my background I'll be able to do XYZ for your company as well" Last piece of advice: when in doubt, ask the interviewer a follow up question :) If you want to know more specifically what they're looking for - ask them to share how that works at their company or what their challenge is so you can answer with a specific example. I bet you have a lot more depth than you realize! Getting stuff done and building things from scratch is a massive value add to a company - why do you need to go "deeper"?

Ila85·Nov 01

As a new mom, what are some of your favorite "secrets" or tips for balancing motherhood with a demanding career?

ashleypare·Nov 06

@Ila85 sunglasses help on those sleepless nights ;) It's hard to balance so go easy on yourself! Some days will be a blur and you may not feel "good enough" in any of your roles at home or at work. So I think it's important to remember that your 100% now may be different than your 100% before kids and will be different again 1 year from now. No matter what, doing your best is always enough. Lots of grace and compassion. Regular adult/date time with friends and partners where you don't talk about work or kids. Alone time. Food prep/delivery services - WeCo, Feast & Fettle, or a local chef who prepares meals (if your budget allows) is a game changer. For me, bodywork has been amazing to help me stay grounded in who I am, heal, release stress, and feel taken care of all at the same time! Those "hard stops" at work if you have to pick up kids can be an adjustment too, but I find bringing presence to whatever moment your in (instead of worrying about work when w/ kids and vice versa) helps too. Celebrate your wins at work and at home. Schedule in your lunches, appointments, and communicate to your team/manager when you have "home hours" so they'll hopefully respect your time. I've been a Mom now for almost 4 years. My best advice for managing it all is to allow yourself to re-dream your life and career now - with kids - and see if/how things have shifted for you. Set goals based on where you want to go now...vs. where you think you should be. Work/earning money is meant to be a tool that fuels your ideal life for you and your family! And remember, you've gaining a whole new set of skills by being a Mother that your organization benefits from so don't be afraid to use it!

graceibrahim7842·Nov 07

My name is Grace Ibrahim I would like to request for a Visa Sponsored Job to Ireland or Sweden. I am a Nigerian and I live in the capital city of Nigeria. I need this Job like I need Jesus so I can be able to take care of my sick parents and pay for their drugs. My dad is suffering from Diabetes and my mum low heart issue. Just a good job abroad will help

sarahing·Oct 31

Hi Ashley! Love Own Your Worth and the fact that you're a founder. Whoo!When you say women can "ask for what they want without the fear of negative consequences" - how much do you take into account systemic issues? Because studies show that women definitely ask for more (promotions, raises) but it's how other people react, which can negatively impact our careers.I ask out of curiosity because as a prior founder of an AI startup helping women negotiate, it's something I struggled with a lot. I'd love to know your take on it.Thanks!Sarah

ashleypare·Nov 05

Hi @sarahing -this is such an important question! Systemic issues play a huge role in why we still have gender, and racial pay and leadership gaps. When I worked in HR I experienced the roadblocks when trying to implement basic pay practices or new programs and policies that would benefit all (or more) employees equally. But it was hearing my own "no" to my ask for a higher salary that woke me up and motivated me to do something different with my career. I realized I could make more of an impact helping clients who also want to change the system! In my coaching work, I help folks unlearn the social, cultural, and systematic beliefs they've internalized that no longer serve them, so they can step into their power and connect with their inherent worth. I help my clients re-dream and become fearless. If/when they run into a "no" they trust it's not the end and they know they have options. Some clients have been able to navigate the system from a place where they feel empowered and have risen higher and are earning more. More power = more influence. Other clients decide to start their own businesses or create a new work path that allows them to change the system in a way that gives them purpose. So, negotiation and asking for what we want without fear is a tool to move through life on our own terms, even if the answer is "no". It becomes a way of being that isn't reliant on one job, one boss, or a paycheck. I'd LOVE to talk more about your work with AI, negotiation, and the roadblocks you faced because together we have a better chance of changing the system for good!

Josefina·Nov 01

Hi Ashley! Thanks again for taking the time to do this. I love that you proposed "giving and receiving feedback" as a topic of conversation. I'm curious about how you navigate that as a coach, how can you tell if someone is coachable? And if they're not there yet, how do you help them get there? What tips do you have for those who want to become better at receiving feedback and becoming coachable? Thanks so much!

Josefina·Nov 01

Oh I have another question I forgot to add! What drew you to HR? What qualities did you see in yourself (or perhaps others saw) that made you choose that career? Was there someone who nudged you in that direction? I'd love to know more about your journey in the industry.

ashleypare·Nov 06

Good question! I "fell" into HR, kind of. My first role after university was in customer support for a tech company. I hated it. I did really well and got promoted fast but I wanted out! I decided to join all of the committees at the organization - the volunteer groups, the green team, etc. and got involved with the organization to meet more people and learn about the business. That's where I met the HR Director and a couple of months later she had an open headcount for a HR admin and I applied internally and landed it! I've always wanted to help people (growing up I wanted to be an author and psychologist). I love to listen to others, solve problems, create new solutions, and have so many ideas on how to make work interesting so it was a natural fit. I did everything from recruiting to payroll to events and eventually dove in to the Business Partner track because I was a really good Coach :) Are you interested in HR?

Josefina·Nov 06

Thanks for this thoughtful answer! Ooo I love that one of your insights about yourself was that you have "so many ideas on how to make work interesting". I'm so happy you found that through HR and coaching.I am interested in HR :) It's always appealed to me to work with people in a supporting or mediating capacity which I assume is a big part of HR work.

ashleypare·Nov 08

Yes, it definitely is a big part! I'm happy to chat more if you want to connect! We need more dedicated, courageous, and compassionate folks in HR making work inclusive, fun, and sustainable. :)

ashleypare·Nov 06

Hi @Josefina! Love it. First and foremost I believe there has to be a willingness on that other person's part to be coached or to learn to be coached. If they're not able to take/receive feedback and you point it out that it's a growth area for them...they have to choose to grow. If they're ready to learn how - it's literally a life changing experience! So many of us fear/avoid receiving feedback and get defensive ahead of time. Part of the work is making the person feel safe to receive feedback - so you could ask what are they afraid of? What part of them feels like their self-worth or "enoughness" is on the line? You could coach them by asking them if there's been a time when they found receiving feedback helpful and a time when the process went really bad for them. This can help them shed light on why they may not yet be "coachable". Perhaps they had a really bad experience at work or at home. From there I like to help clients set the stage to practice giving and receiving feedback with someone they trust and with shared language. An example..."I'm here to help you through this so after your next presentation I'd love to sit down with you and learn from you what went well, what you learned, and one thing you'd like to improve on". As a Coach, before I invite anyone to work with me, I ask several questions and based on responses I can navigate their willingness to pause and reflect, react, or avoid. I push there a bit more if I feel resistance and I call it out - you could try that too. "I sense this is really hard for you". Sometimes folks are ready and sometimes folks want "an easy answer" or a quick solution. Sometimes helping them coach/give themselves feedback first can help make the process of receiving feedback from others a little safer. We can be SO hard on ourselves!

Josefina·Nov 06

Thank you so much, Ashley! This is great, especially liked the idea of helping them give themselves feedback first and how this can make feedback loops feel safer ✍️

Shenna20·Nov 01

Hi Ashley! I'm so curious about your insights from working with therapists, a Shaman, and a Human Design expert. How has this diverse range of influences shaped your coaching and speaking approach?

ashleypare·Nov 05

Hi @Shenna20! Thanks for your question :) My personal healing journey has transformed (and even saved) my life. Knowing myself and being able to love myself wholeheartedly has been a game changer for how I show up as a wife, leader, and mother. I have so many tools now that allow me to take care of myself and manage my energy and get to root causes, so I can make decisions with more ease and course correct as needed. I love to bring these approaches and tools into my coaching journey. Being a (self) leader requires self awareness and I teach that in all of my work! I lean on different tools and modalities depending on what a client may be navigating, and it helps me ask deep, powerful questions that allow them to heal, grow and create sustainable change in their lives. I incorporate breath work, meditations, and visualizations into my speaking/workshops too! These influences combined with my work experiences makes me unique!

mikaelasanchez·Nov 01

Hi Ashley,Thanks for this Q&A, and congrats on being a new mum!Do you have any advice on someone who is just starting out on their career?I just finished university and will be starting my first job outside of study in less than a week.How can I get off to a good start in making sure I know my worth and can articulate my value?Thank you ☺️Edit: For context, I will be working as an Embedded Software Engineer at a medical tech company (my dream industry!)

ashleypare·Nov 05

Hello @mikaelasanchez Congrats on your new job in your dream industry!! It's an exciting time for you and the fact that you're already asking these questions means you are ahead of the curve :) Knowing that it's up to you to manage, own, and grow your career is the first step in taking charge of knowing your worth! You can learn to articulate the value you deliver as you learn and grow. Take credit for your work and achievements by keeping score for yourself at first. Track your progress. Build confidence by asking for feedback. But most importantly, enjoy it! Have fun and learn what you DON'T like so you'll have more clarity about where you want to take you career in the future. Here are some tips that will serve you now and in the future: -always negotiate (if the answer is "no" say thank you and ask "why not now"?)-invest in the stock market/retirement fund as early as you can-ask for regular meetings to review your performance with your manager-build a solid network of peers and folks one level above you (this will serve you immensely in the future)-get involved in your organization - community, ERG, committees, etc. to know if it's a place you want to work long termI hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other specific questions!

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