ny9brQtSBeUX4ML4A

MashaZvereva·Mar 18, 2022

Not that long ago I've realised I was getting increasingly irrational and impatient with my career choices: because I was trying to squeeze in all of my ambition into the next 3 years, my perceived timeline before I *should* have my first child. Naturally that created artificial stress and a vicious cycle of feeling like a failure because I'm not moving fast enough.

I've always wanted to have children eventually (it's my choice to do that), but now that I'm 31, I'm feeling the pressure from my biological clock. As someone who is pretty ambitious and career-oriented, I never thought about this conflict and this race with time, but it has finally caught up with me. Can you relate?

The more women I talk to about this, the more I see that we're all kind of lost when it comes to navigating this situation. We are all figuring out as we go, hoping that we've considered all of the variables and that we've picked the right way to do it. So I've decided to research this topic further - and write a book with my findings (oooh ambition! I've stopped myself at least 3 times from adding the word "potentially" there).

What has your experience been like with career/children? What career decisions have you made/are you planning to make becuase you've choden to have children? Did you have an unusual story or do you know of anyone who has? Please let me know below!

I've also created a form to get some statistics on the subject, please fill it out if this is an interesting topic for you: https://forms.gle/ny9brQtSBeUX4ML4A

Iynna·Mar 18, 2022

Thank you so much Masha for posting! It's so interesting that you posted - because I am now back in school (for the last time let's hope haha) and making some pretty important / "decisive" life choices. And at the same time, I am single (don't get me wrong I love it and I refuse to settle for less just because I am supposed to), though I have thought about the whole egg freezing process to give myself options and most importantly time. I am neutral re: children, I used to be a no, but as I have grown older, I am definitely open to the idea but only and only if I find the right partner to share that experience with (being a mom/parenting has never been a goal for me and is sth I'd do with someone else).Very curious to hear from Elphas who relate but also who have had a totally different experience?

MashaZvereva·Mar 18, 2022

Oh higher education has been a recurring theme in my research - a lot of important and timing decisions have been made by women who have chosen or who are still deciding whether to have children in the future. Thank you for sharing your experience, it sounds like you're very thoughtful and intentional about your approach to this question!

Iynna·Mar 22, 2022

Oh I'd love to learn more about your research and what types of findings you got!

MashaZvereva·Mar 22, 2022

Will keep you posted! :)

Iynna·Mar 22, 2022

Please do!! Thank you so much for doing this!

Rae79·Mar 19, 2022

This was a cool survey but it seemed to be directed at people who already have spouses/life partners. I've personally been impacted by working in a very demanding job during my 20s that didn't allow time for dating. Thanks to that hard work, I'm now in an enviable position careerwise and could have kids whenever I want to; however, it's a lot harder dating to find a life partner in my 30s than it would have been in my 20s (I had no trouble dating in college). And I don't personally want to be a single parent, but I do know I want kids after finding the right partner.I had a coworker in my 20s who made the opposite choice as me. She literally told me that she was choosing not to meet expectations at work in order to date because she was afraid of what it would be like to date in her 30s. She did end up meeting her husband, but had to quit the job in order to avoid getting fired. She has an awesome career now and is pregnant with her first child, but it was like she had to take a "husband hunting" break from her career (I mean that in a positive way because it worked for her).

MashaZvereva·Mar 21, 2022

Thank you so much for sharing that feedback - I'll keep that in mind when analyzing the results.That's is very interesting, intentional choices that both you and your coworker made. I find it very frustrating that we as women feel the need/pressure to sacrifice one or the other and have to be strategic about our life choices early on. I really hope that you find a wonderful partner - or that this person *finds you* in the near future. But I also hope that you're feeling happy and fulfilled with the life that you've built for yourself regardless of your relationship status, because I think that's the most important goal for all of us :)

Youlanda31·Mar 19, 2022

I’m currently at a next career step crossroads and definitely feel this. I have a lot of startups and smaller companies approaching me with the option to take a leading role - but their policies around parental leave are not formed and unlikely to come close to my current more stable job’s offering. It’s frustrating because the career growth option is to jump, but I also don’t want a stressful pregnancy and want to enjoy time with a newborn when it happens. But I don’t even know when we’ll start trying. I see a lot of men in very senior leadership roles at my company who have families, but it always seems their partners are staying home with their children to make it work. It’s hard to take career advice from them - it’s like we’re playing the same game, but they have a different deck of cards altogether.

MashaZvereva·Mar 21, 2022

Oh I feel that! Do you think that if you jump that you'd be in the position to influence the policy leave by the time you're going to start trying? I've done an interview with @ashlystewart on the topic - as she has successfully created one at the company she worked for: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AnJiTszNbU&tAlso, one more thing that comes to mind right now: which scenario would you regret more looking back, taking the jump or not taking the jump?