Do you have a hard time asking for help?
If that's a Yes for you, I'm not surprised. You are really in good company there.
Just like so many others – and particular women – you may be thinking:
I really can't bother [enter name] with my concerns.
They have better things to do and more important people to support.
They'll think I'm stupid / lazy / [enter “character flaw”].
I need to figure [enter task] out by myself.
I really hear you, my friend.
Asking for help can be very uncomfortable – especially if you don't practice it.
Because the best way to grow your confidence muscle is to do the thing.
(You get that I'm calling it a muscle on purpose, right?)
There are so many great things that can happen if only you ask others for help.
A key outcome for me is that being confident about asking for help means you won't be wasting a ton of time and energy on:
- trying to figure a particular thing out (especially something that's outside of your area of expertise and interest and not the most relevant thing for you to excel in),
- beating yourself up if you can't or if it takes a long time,
- making do with an average self-developed solution instead of a much better one someone may have you provided with had you asked them.
To make things easier, I want to share a few thoughts that I think about asking people for help (and I'm a pro at this, believe me):
Most people love to help others. It'll make them feel good to help me.
(That's not only a thought but a truth.)
They can't say more than No. If they do, I am still in the same place as before.
(In most cases, you have absolutely nothing to lose by asking.)
I don't need to make a No mean anything about me, especially not that I'm stupid / lazy / [enter “character flaw”].
(That's not how most people operate in the first place. Plus, it's very likely their No has to do with them and not with you.)
I don't worry if they say Yes even though they don't want to do it – because their lack of boundaries is not my problem.
(Doesn't sound nice, but it's true. Plus, it makes it easier to accept a No – which means they have and can express their boundaries.)
To conclude, I'd like to invite you to take action:
How about you start by tracking for a week how often you have asked for help and how it feels – depending on who and what you ask?
(You may detect a pattern here.)
Then determine the times, e.g. per week, you want to ask others for help.
(This can be in your private life and/or your professional setting – no need to overcomplicate things when you only just get the ball rolling.)
I hope that's helpful. And I'd love to hear from you – do you have a hard time asking for help? What's holding you back – were you told not to when you were young, have you had bad experiences, or something completely different?