This is an anonymous post from an Elpha member.

How do you deal with a negative manager?

Caprice152·Mar 12, 2022

Hi Elphas!

I've been working with my manager for about a year now and I've started to realize how much my boss's negative energy is impacting my mental health. Some weeks I truly feel so emotionally drained and I constantly feel the need to prepare myself every time they call.

Has anyone got advice to deal with this?

To name some examples... she will call me multiple times a day to vent, will ask many rhetorical questions (why did that project get xx dollars? what the hell?) and express how unhappy she is with x person (why couldn't x do it? why did they give this to me?). On top of this she talks over me (and others) and is very micromanaging and concerned about optics.

I feel this is alot more than just dealing with a 'difficult' stakeholder. Needless to say I am already looking to leave, I am a top performer in the team but am feeling incredibly unmotivated. I'm seeking advice on how to handle the stress of dealing with her in order to help me focus and stay energized for the job search (shameless plug for anyone looking to hire someone in the project management/ bizops/ productops space 🙈)

Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated!

Chung64·Mar 02, 2023

hey! this is very unfortunate and I am currently dealing with this same issue but I am only 3 months in and really want this job to work. I see this was posted over a year ago- if you don't mind letting me know what you decided to do? I feel so helpless!

Caprice152·Mar 03, 2023

I'm sorry you're experiencing this - it's truly awful. I ended up moving internally to a different division... I had an external offer but I didn't get a good vibe from them and I didn't want to simply take a role for the wrong reasons. I'm not in a position that I can simply leave my job without anything lined up. I don't know what your situation is but I would say - listen to your gut, have a think about what you can handle (and for how long) and also what your options are if things get worse. I kept all emails, chats etc in a folder just incase I needed evidence one day and I created a 'system' for myself to redirect every negative interaction into something productive to get out of there. This whole situation made me realize that there is no safe avenue for employees to voice these issues about their line manager. I gave her feedback in our 1:1 but there's no way I could list out everything that is so wrong about her management style.. at the end of the day I just had to remove myself from the situation because I knew she wasn't going anywhere. I hope this helps.. at the end of the day, do what's best for you.

Chung64·Mar 03, 2023

thank you so much for this advice. i have a lot to think about - but i'm so glad you did what was best for you!