what do you do for your dating life?

deepikaphakke·Jun 29, 2022

Any female founders who are single? What do you do for your dating life?

I deleted all dating apps & now that I am offline, I need to do something to find my future husband. I keep meeting successful founders, investors at meetups & conferences --- everyone so helpful being a matchmaker for professional connections (and I do the same) ----

how do i ask them for unprofessional connections (haha) I mean intros with single successful men in their network without making it awkward? this one time I casually asked an acquaintance level, super successful male founder in 40s for intros in his network dating wise and he literally got offended --we dont talk anymore haha.

Please advice!

btw, I am Deepika, 31, founder of Nama Water. Maybe there's a startup opportunity here. IG: @theluckiestwomanalive

Iynna·Jun 30, 2022

Investor and single! TBH I quite enjoy it :) but super interested in hearing what others are doing!

Cvic·Jun 30, 2022

Im an investor/founder/science-er & data-er & tech-er... and although Im no longer single (so I dont search for myself) I do still invite professional contacts who seem open to friendship to NON-work events. And when I do so I clearly let them know that the get together will have a wonderful mix of people, since our professions shouldnt silo our personal lives. Consider asking a handful of your professional contacts out for a stroll in the park as a group meetup, and then talk about all things life and be explocit about the topics being few things work. Basically I am saying, "Expand your friendship circle. Then, as you get to know a new group of friends & they get to know you... a "You know who you should meet?" is inevitable.

LeaMK·Jul 01, 2022

I was going to suggest something very similar. I met my now husband in my 30's, through work connections who had become friends. I think friends introducing you to their circle is the best way to meet people - potential future friends or romantic partners!

deepikaphakke·Jul 14, 2022

Make me more hopeful. Thank you both!

deepikaphakke·Jul 14, 2022

This is a great tip!! I will give it a shot.

Rae79·Jun 30, 2022

I'm excited to watch this thread because I don't know the answer! Founder in NYC. Single and actively dating.First reaction: why did you delete the dating apps? I personally find those to be my main source of relationships while dating in my 30s. Most of my close friends might have ONE friend they could set me up with (although most have zero). So there's not much to choose from there even when they are comfortable making the intro. I've met guys in person, but that happens once in a blue moon. And if you actually want to date men who are in tech, they usually are on the apps. I guess I'm just curious why you would cut yourself off from such a rich dating pool?Funnily enough, I just spent a few months in Q1 having phone calls with everyone in my network to get sales leads for my startup — friends, former colleagues, former classmates. Some probably felt like it was high-pressure or awkward/uncomfortable, especially the ones who were friends who don't have a business background and aren't used to making intros. Around this time, one of my girlfriends set me up with her childhood friend, which happened because he got divorced and was putting tons of pressure on her to set him up. So it occurred to me that this guy was treating his dating life the way that I treat my business life. I don't actually think it was working for him, but it does make me wonder if I should more aggressively go back to my friends and push for matchmaking.In terms of asking professional contacts for dating connections, I absolutely would NOT do that unless they become real friends first. This kind of thing is awkward enough to ask someone you've known 10+ years, let alone someone you just met at a conference. I second @Cvic's advice to try to do social / non-work things with those in your professional network who seem open to it, and then try to let things develop organically. I've spent so much time focusing on my career that I don't want to burn bridges there on the infinitesimally small chance they could/would set me up with someone.The other thing that stands out to me in your post is that you want to meet "successful" men. This could be a big turnoff if you actually saying this out loud. That phrasing makes it sound like you are more interested in their resumes/pedigrees than their personality specifically. Plus, most of my career-driven female friends have less spouses who look less "traditionally" successful than they are. (I made a post about this a few months ago: elpha.com/posts/t45nollv/ambitious-people-are-your-spouses-more-less-or-equally-ambitious-as-you.)

deepikaphakke·Jul 14, 2022

hello! glad to see you being so positive and hopeful about the apps. I've just met the random-est people and Ive been on them too long. I feel like the app has given me a score eg: 4/10 and now shows profiles accordingly both hinge and bumble - like age on the app, how active, if i have matched with someone from stanford I only see profiles from stanford (mostly students, wth!!) if i match with a marketing manager i only see matches of men with that job (never happened for founders lol) if i match with someone from Paris I only get those profile (damn, hinge I dont miss it!) Dont get me wrong I have spent a lot of timee last two years (which i could term as wasted but no it's fine) to go on random dates Ive accepted it as a part of the process but time and again it seems like it's just not my place - I should be looking at Linkedin? ask my professional network if they have friends who are single n interested.

Rae79·Jul 14, 2022

Interesting. I've actually ended up on plenty of dates with other founders/CEOs, but a lot of times it's because we are both "lying" or downplaying our jobs on the apps. Personally I filter a lot more by education and tend to assume if that's similar that we will get along and that the other person has some type of employment.Totally agree with you though that it sends across the same demographic in waves. There was once month when I had dates with three different Persian guys with PhDs. And then a different month when I was sent all men from Louisiana.Have you tried doing phone and video screens before going on dates? I've found that those can help weed out a lot of people.Also, have you tried an app that puts less emphasis on job/school stuff, such as OKCupid?Personally I wouldn't go through LinkedIn for dating because I really try not to shit where I eat professionally. Lol, but please do post an update here if you happen to find a way to use LinkedIn to find the love of your life.

Ruthie89·Jul 05, 2022

You have to let your family, friends and personal circle know you are looking. Personal circle means anyone who does a service for you whom you trust - your hair stylist, car mechanic, gynecologist, bartender, restaurant owner, the Fedex delivery person, etc. It might sound a little needy or cringeworthy to loop them in, but when people know you’re in the market, they may send possibilities your way.

deepikaphakke·Jul 14, 2022

Thank you - this validation helps. I do it less than I should so I can do it more. Thank you. I have no problem coming across strong and needy. If it's a need, it's a need it's not my problem how they perceive it. Same for my startup - whatever the f it takes --- if it means it's gonna pay off for the rest of my life I will do it without regret =))

cattxx·Jul 05, 2022

I'm not a founder but I work in the tech industry and in my 30s. I am still on the dating apps! I find changing approach/intention to them makes somewhat of a difference - but still waiting to see. I think there's a lot that is ultimately not plannable to this is a big part of it, which we go-getter females just don't sit well with hahaMy other girl friends who have good careers in tech also really just sifted through the numbers and kissed a lot of frogs to get to their princes. It's a hard period to navigate in terms of dating. It'd be fun if there were a startup opportunity here ;)

deepikaphakke·Jul 14, 2022

Hi Catt - thanks for sharing this. I agree the intention makes a difference. This full moon (yesterday) i committed to gratitude and positivity so sending good vibes to you and all of us who ae single and looking. I'm sure what's meant for us will find us! <3

cattxx·Jul 15, 2022

I do hope so too! I am showing up on dates so playing my part :)

SimranKD·Jul 08, 2022

Hey hey! This might be of interest - I just launched meettheotter.com. I'm the first founder in the dating space who (1) got the prototype to work for herself (yes I found the love of my life), and (2) tried web dating, online dating and even a matchmaker over 15+ years. What I'm building solves the two greatest pain points - lack of community and lack of efficiency. If you sign up for the newsletter on the website, you'll get our weekly drop on Tuesdays and will be in the know for official launch!

deepikaphakke·Jul 14, 2022

Thank you Simran. I just signed up!!

SimranKD·Jul 15, 2022

Great to hear! Welcome feedback as always. Thanks so much.

deepikaphakke·Jul 14, 2022

Thank you ladies for your generous advice and responses. I didnt expect so much love! I'm still thinking of ways of how to ask my professional network that I am single and open to intros without attracting unwanted attention from them or from creeps. DM or email if you'd like to brainstorm ideas [email protected]. Thank you again. Grateful for you and this community at Elpha! <3

cattxx·Jul 15, 2022

It's a good idea/consideration but in response to that aspect, I also find it a bit challenging because people like to keep work and personal life a bit separate and so it could be tricky especially in high profile situations (also, if it doesn't work out it's a bit awkward too!) but hopefully there's some situation where it works!

margaretcezar341·Aug 24, 2022

Haha. Yes, I can totally relate to many professional connections and no non-profession-related connections. Lol. Isn't it weird? Why do you think it has to be this way? :)