Job Offer was withdrawn

I just need somewhere to vent and cry a bit. I was offered an amazing job opportunity this morning, it was a full time remote position. I'm in the process of moving across the country the end of this month and my start date would've been the 17th. I don't even know why I never mentioned this move in the first stages of interviews but I addressed it with the recruiter when she called to offer me the role and said that they are concerned that I won't be available to get onboarded and assimilated in the job since I would be traveling for two weeks. Writing this out now makes it more painfully obvious how much I messed up and they decided to withdraw my offer, not because of the move but because I was not transparent about this move from the start. They saw it as a red flag. I feel so incredibly stupid that I let this opportunity slip through my fingers because I didn't talk to them about this move, which by the way could've been pushed to another time, which I did tell the recruiter. It doesn't matter now, I basically begged the recruiter on the phone for them to give me another chance. I feel so defeated and back to square one. I know I'll get over this but the fact that I had a job offer this morning and now nothing makes me sick to my stomach. I got in my own way of an amazing opportunity and I just self sabotaged it. Literally a month of 4 interviews and hours of my time and energy down the toilet. Really hating myself right now.
Omg I'm so sorry to hear about this... I really wouldn't blame yourself for this. IMO you have no obligation to disclose everything at the beginning and they should've also been transparent that they really needed someone to hit the ground running on a certain date. I think this is very unfortunate but if they can pull the plug that fast without being sympathetic that everyone has personal events going on, this may not be the company for you. Moving doesn't mean you can't onboard and get assimilated in the job unless they expect you to work 24/7You are good talent, you should be proud of that. You will find another company that's worth your time, treat you like a person and push you to a point where you have to beg for a chance. You are worthy <3
This is such a kind and thoughtful response. Thank you Norene! This was a unique situation to be in since this has never happened to me before and it makes me feel less bad about my role in this. I was 100% ready and willing to cancel the move all together for this job but I guess it just wasn't enough. Lesson learned.
teresaman's profile thumbnail
So sorry to hear that your offer was withdrawn!!I'm saying this objectively and not just to console you, I really think they're in the wrong here, not you. If you've agreed to a start date, it really doesn't matter if you're moving across the street or across continents, you are going to be ready to start on day 1. If they somehow have doubts and have become so determined and biased in gauging YOUR ability to fulfill your end of your responsibility, it's a sign of them not having trust towards you, even on day zero, and that's the biggest bullet you could ever dodge.Secondly, from just a human-level, I think they could have been a lot more generous in their understanding of personal events and life changes, especially during this time, and empathize with you that moving is a stressful event, and instead of using that as an excuse to pull the offer, to offer further support. Like another commenter had mentioned, you also by no means had to disclose your move to them in the beginning.I'm really sorry you feel that you've put in some much time and work and all of this have amounted to (seemingly) nothing. But I genuinely don't think their practice is fair and that it's a GOOD thing their colours showed before you started a job.Sending encouragement and love!
Thank you so much Teresa! Part of me is still holding out and hoping that they realize the mistake they made and contact me for the role, but on the other hand who knows if the job would've really panned out for me in the long run if this is how they are going to make decisions. The recruiter was SO happy when she called me up to offer the job and then once we discussed the start date I told them about the move and was willing to postpone it all together for this. It was like a complete 180 on their part and it hurts because I know it's not the recruiter's decision, she's just the messenger, but we built up such a nice rapport with each other because this was a month long process in itself. It's just a shitty situation all around but all I can do is dust myself off and start applying again. Thank you for the words of encouragement :)
Frankly, IMHO you dodged a bullet. If they are not willing to wait 2 weeks more for you then imagine what its going to be like to work in that factory. I think the best recourse is write a thoughtful note to the hiring manager, saying that while you are disappointed in the decision they made you respect it. Then go on to say that because of covid and the difficulties in this market and with folks doing a lot of remote work, your focus was more on assuring them that you were the right person for the role vs your location. Then wish them the best. If you get a response perhaps there is some humanity there, if not then chalk it up to missing the bullet by an inch.Keep going, this is a minor setback for you and if you have talent the right company will find you.
Jannay's profile thumbnail
I agree with Sherie on this one. If they can’t wait two weeks for you to start, it’s likely there’s more of that mindset in the org. Please don’t beat yourself up, I know that’s easy to do. You are amazing, and if you need a mirror to keep telling yourself, do it!
Thanks Jannay :) Definitely trying to be gentle to myself this week.
I agree! The hiring manager sounds incredibly arrogant and would likely be a nightmare to work for. “A red flag”?! The only red flag here is that judge-y SOB pulling the offer.
Thank you Sherie! This is great advice that I'm going to implement. You're absolutely right, I just gotta keep going. Hopefully a better opportunity comes my way soon :)
maggiewolff's profile thumbnail
If you told them that the move could have been pushed back and they still didn't budge, I agree with the others, this is a red flag, but on them, not you. But also the fact that they weren't flexible on your start date and onboarding, regardless of your move, is also a red flag. Normally start dates aren't discussed until after an offer is accepted. Did they assume that *you* would be flexible to *their* schedule without even checking with you first? That's concerning. They don't sound like a good employer to work with.
That's what I thought too, which is the main reason why I brought up the move once the offer was made. The recruiter said that if I brought up the move in the second or third round of interviews they would've worked around it. It hurt hearing that. It's nice to know that other people feel the same way that I do about this situation.
elspethwatson's profile thumbnail
This same thing happened to me @Marlys183!I was offered a job and then mentioned I would spend 2 months in New Zealand (which was 4 months away). They retracted the offer for exactly the same reasons. In hindsight, I'm glad they turned me away as it showed their true colours/loyalties. Working from multiple locations is important (knowing I'd do a good job wherever I'm based) to me and they weren't willing to accommodate or find a solution together which I see as a red flag. I feel as though this could apply to your situation too. I can understand how deflated you're feeling though, I felt the same. I always feel that being 100% transparent in the beginning stages of an interview can get you cut before you even start, especially when there is so much other competition out there.I ended up sending the company an email along the lines of 'i'm sorry we couldn't find a solution together, I was really looking forward to doing x, x and x. I hope you find someone that has the same ambition and drive to make your company as good as I could see it becoming. Would love to keep in touch.' (not really, but no point in burning any bridges!)Hope that helps! x
Thank you for sharing @elspethwatson, your situation is definitely similar to mine and that was part of the fear of telling them at first that I was moving - I didn't want to be cut from the interview process. But it's a remote job so why would it matter? I've been running this whole situation through my head all day and honestly I'm just taking this as a lesson learned. I will be more mindful of telling my future plans up front to the next employer.
christinetreacy's profile thumbnail
Just like everyone else has said, I also see this as a red flag. I just accepted a job offer last week and told them right AFTER that I have a week long vacation planned in June. I probably would have mentioned it sooner but during the first interview the owner told me that pre-planned vacation is no big deal. I also had a similar situation with the company I currently work for. I got married and was going on my honeymoon about a month after I started here and my boss had no objections to me being out for two+ weeks. I think that most companies are pretty understanding of pre-existing personal plans so the fact that this company isn't, could be a big red flag. Just keep doing you, doing what you feel is right and will benefit you the most, and keep pushing forward. You got this!
Thanks @christinetreacy! It's nice to know that there are companies who are actually flexible and willing to work with personal plans that have been made before the hiring process. My best friend got a job two months before her college graduation and they told her that it was fine and held her position so that she can finish out school and start when she was available. She was with that company for 6 years, which I think is a sign of an accommodating and understanding company. I'm hoping to find that with my next employer :)
christinetreacy's profile thumbnail
I hope you do too!!
You did nothing wrong. They don't even put all their cards out while interviewing, why should you? And why should you give away leverage easily, it's a negotiation.None of your skills in interviewing goes to waste. I had an offer rescinded before... And got something much better right after! It was a breeze too (comparatively speaking), partly because I already practiced interviewing so much like you. You got this!
Thank you so much! That's awesome that you landed a better role after the first one was rescinded. It's kinda crazy how things turn out and it sounds like that was a sign that something much better was on the horizon :) I'm definitely taking this whole process as practice and I'll feel more prepared in interviews because of it.
Trust me, at the time it felt like a huge punch in the gut. I finally got the break I fought so hard for. But again... None of it goes to waste! And the economy is picking back up with so many better opportunities now.
Ashi's profile thumbnail
Dear @Marlys183, really sorry to hear about your experience.You know transparency goes both ways. Did the company set the right expectation by telling you before the interviews that they wanted you to start immediately? I have been in situations in the past where I needed to hire someone who would start immediately -- think the day after the offer was made. We were clear about our expectations before interviewing the candidate. Most people who have a job have to give two weeks notice at least out of courtesy, and if a hiring manager wants someone to start immediately, they have to be clear about it. It may feel really bad right now, but I agree with others here that you are better off in the long run.
Hi @Ashi, thank you for your response :) They did not address a start date at any point in the interview process until the job offer was made to me. They are a startup in their hyper growth stage so I think they wanted someone to start asap but that just wasn't clearly stated to me. Also the fact that they are a remote company and this was a remote role I assumed that they would be more flexible with my start date. That was my mistake of assuming. So I feel like there were faults on both sides of this situation.
While I appreciate the support and wonderful intentions behind the responses here, am I really the only one who thinks this company didn’t do anything wrong, and the author should understand this?None of us, including the author, has any idea what events preceded her candidacy at the company in terms of issues or HR. They may have tried to onboard people remotely, but realized it was both time consuming and ineffective. They may have had issues with dishonest candidates accepting positions and causing chaos, leaving abruptly, vacationing early and losing more work time because the person was insufficiently integrated into the company, or vacationing and not returning. It doesn’t matter what the reason is. They made an offer based on certain expectations, including meeting their on boarding requirements and being fully transparent. The author did not meet either of those expectations, and even knew she wasn’t meeting them in the process. She also wasn’t enough of a known quantity to them not to indicate major red flags on their part.Onboarding and integrating into a new company is a delicate process, and there are extensive procedures for most companies for exactly that reason. It has little to do with whether or not you work remotely - you still have to get integrated into a company.I think the company was correct in saying this unknown quantity was already dishonest and noncompliant. Why would they keep her and risk further potential harm? I’ve hired often enough to know that the trouble you find in the hiring process is likely to be just the beginning of a long and tedious tracking period to prepare for firing. I don’t think simple empathy is useful here. I feel for the author, really. It’s awful to be so close to something you want so much, and not only not get it, but not get it because of something you really knew better than to do. It’s happened to all of us, to better or worse degrees. But she’s old enough to hear the truth, and the cautious companionship of shared experience in the other answers should sufficiently pad a response I know many others will think unkind or brutal in its blunt honesty. But we do the author no favors in merely empathizing. I think the author needs to understand the issue she caused in order to avoid repeating it.The company dodged the bullet here. The author screwed up, which sucks. We all do. No one has not made a mistake of epic proportions at some point. The only good to come from that is if you actually learn from the experience so you don’t do it again.I’m going anon on this, because I know the hate that will come because of this honest, if unpleasant, response. It isn’t meant to be unkind or unfair in any way. It’s information that is useful, considered, and honest, and what I would need to hear were I in the same situation.
MorganLucas's profile thumbnail
I think that's a fair thing. I just have a hard time having empathy for employers when they essentially hold all the power.
People hate employers when they’ve never been one. It doesn’t feel like you have “all the power” when you’re an employer. It feels like people are demanding things from every side, you’re responsible for the livelihoods of one to thousands of people, but no one is on the line like you are. Most don’t appreciate the opportunities you offer, or even recognize that life is mostly about managing risk on dozens of rapidly shifting levels, not enjoying gain, when you’re running things. Being an employee is INFINITELY easier than being an employer. As for the management people in the hiring process - most of them are just employees, too. They generally aren’t feeling like they’re exercising enormous power - they’re just trying to do their job, not get fired, and go home, like everyone else. There are generally many (many!) more candidates for professional roles than positions available. It’s not worth the risk for someone to hire someone with any flags or marginal issues - there are just too many other people who are also qualified and present no clear flags. Why risk the fortune of your employer, your own job, and potentially the jobs of your colleagues for someone who presents any sort of issue? (This answer is setting aside the exception of those people who are clearly “quirky” or problematic hires, but present a skill set or expertise so unique or superlative it dwarfs nearly any other consideration outside of malfeasance. I have hired several, and was one myself, so have a special regard for this category of candidates.) Empathy means seeing things from a perspective that differs from your own, so maybe this will add some insight. People often imagine the life of a CEO or founder as it is present in film or magazines. The reality is very different. We’ve generally all been employees, so we understand that perspective. Very few understand ours, or even really care to try.
emilytate's profile thumbnail
No hate, but I do think you're wrong on this one. I agree that there are probably other things going on behind the scenes in that company, but projecting that on a candidate assuming they're "dishonest" because they didn't say they were moving in 2 weeks when start date had never been discussed (which I am assuming she WOULD have told them had they said what they were hoping for) seems extreme. If the OP had actually gone to lengths to hide this fact, I'd agree with you. Or even if their reason for pulling the offer was "we are remote, but we thought you were in the same time zone and we've had difficulties with the time zone shift in the past", I could understand more. But making this leap that the candidate is actively dishonest because they didn't think to mention this earlier in the process just doesn't make sense to me.
Hi Tijuana158, thank you for your response. I completely understand where you're coming from and I appreciate the honesty. I do realize I made a mistake on my end for not bringing up this move from the very beginning. I actually spoke to my sister about this situation and she also felt the same way you do. Who knows what the company has dealt with in terms of onboarding new candidates. Maybe they did have some flukes in the past and have made the process this way to weed out the candidates who are not going to be a good match in the long run. It was my mistake to assume that they would be okay and flexible with the move, also assumed that I would start after the move and not during it. I'm definitely taking this as a lesson learned. I have a phone interview today for another job I was reached out about and I have already told them about my move out west and that I'm only looking for remote work. They said that it would be fine. We shall see!
The key word here is “remote.” The position is remote, so I’m assuming on boarding might be too.
chanstephanie's profile thumbnail
Thanks for the courage in sharing this comment! I read the entire thread as of this morning -- including comments and replies -- and appreciate the entirety of the content. It offers both perspectives to the author and takeaways that she can consider in her interviewing approach going forward. There's often too much toxic positivity and I've seen feedback that only validates one side, without considering the other. I greatly appreciate your candor. Please keep sharing 😊
angelique's profile thumbnail
From a hiring manager perspective, this makes ZERO sense to me and it sounds like you dodged a bullet.By the time I've put in the weeks to select and interview candidates and get to an offer -- start date is hugely negotiable to me. For my last two hires, I suggested a start date 2 weeks out from the offer letter and, in both cases, pushed it back up to a month because of relocation, vacation, etc. needs on the part of the candidate. If I've decided someone is right for my team, I'm willing to wait for them and you deserve a team that feels the same way.
MorganLucas's profile thumbnail
Your move was, frankly, not their business at that stage. You don't have to share everything, like Norene7 said.And yes, if they were so quick, they seem too nosy and not at all accommodating.
emilytate's profile thumbnail
I am going to echo a lot of other comments here - you should not beat yourself up over this. I think it sounds like you have dodged a major red flag on YOUR side, not theirs. A hire is a long term play - they're being so shortsighted that they would let this one piece of communication make them withdraw the offer, there is a good chance that this is the type of company culture that has low psychological safety and doesn't allow space for any level of "failure" or mistakes. Could you have let them know about the move sooner? Sure. But honestly you let them know at the time of the offer - it's not like you started and then were like "Oh btw I'm moving" (which I've actually had happen to me as a manager. It was a little annoying because we had talked about mostly remote but meeting in person around 1 day a week, and she moved a 5 hour train ride away, but was certainly not the end of the world!) I know you are feeling like you did something wrong, but honestly I wouldn't even call this a mistake. You are not in the wrong here. They absolutely are. And if this is all it took for them to pull the offer, I guarantee you were in for a miserable ride. I'm so sorry you've been on this rollercoaster. Job hunting is the worst and I really hope you find something else soon!
ioanahr's profile thumbnail
Hiring good people, especially in a growing startup where everyone does 1.5 jobs just to keep up is super hard. When you find someone you spent 4 months interviewing, you don't stop the process just because they're moving in 2 weeks.First of all, at the start, the person has no idea how long the hiring will take. Maybe they are moving in 4 months but why would they tell you, they don't know if they'll be starting or still interviewing then or whatever. Secondly, if the person is still meeting the job requirements in terms of availability, time zone, etc., them moving is not the employer's problem. They did not promise a particular start date, so they did not lie about anything.If I were you I would legit drop them a GlassDoor review mentioning this - so other candidates see it and they feel the consequences of yanking people around by getting their hopes up and then turning back and not keeping their word. If this happened to you it could happen to more people and I think one of the best things you could do now is make sure other candidates can see this review somewhere. You can post anonymously too, if you're concerned about getting your name out there for this.
jaxselby's profile thumbnail
A few things to consider, since most of the replies are pretty determined to not consider any possibility other than that this was a bad inconsiderate company. 1) Every single state has different regulations and filing requirements and these are specific to where the employee lives, not where the employer lives. If you are moving to a state where the company does not currently have employees, these can actually be a surprisingy difficult burden. It may also be that the position and offer amount were calculated to be competitive for the cost of living associated with the city in which you currently reside but now that you're moving, those factors no longer apply. 2) What size is this company? Big companies may be able to push your start date back without a problem, as several people responding to you have cited in their own examples. But for small companies looking to fill a critical position, confusion around the start date can really throw things off.
ioanahr's profile thumbnail
Sure, there could be reasonable reasons to pull the offer but they should just mention those reasons so the candidate understands and even has a chance to address them - especially after the candidate put so much of their time into the process and they were made an offer.
Please don’t take this personally. It has nothing to do with you being transparent, and most likely something internal. Two years ago, I was offered a position to have the offer suddenly put on hold. I had misgivings about the situation anyway - it was a lowball offer - and withdrew my candidacy. Later, I found out that they gave the job to a friend of the founder, and combined two open positions so they could pay him the money he was demanding. Three of the higher ranking employees subsequently quit. I think you are much better off.
chanstephanie's profile thumbnail
Sorry to hear about your experience and disappointment with the outcome. Yes, it’s awful this happened. Four interviews in a month does feel like wasted effort; however, in the grand scheme of things, it won’t matter when you look at it from the lens of your entire career. Much better opportunities are ahead. You got this 💪🏻
vanessaw's profile thumbnail
I’m going through a similar situation but with completely different handling by the company. I pushed back the start by two weeks for a move and so far the team is fine with it. They did ask if I could do early but I said it would be difficult to start while packing and moving and would rather do it when settled. So far they’re fine with it. Two weeks in the grand scheme of the years you’re potentially going to work there isn’t much.
jchen's profile thumbnail
Hi Marlys183! I echo what all the other women have said below, and just wanted to add that in reading about your situation, I’m just as flummoxed as everyone else. Why would they hire you for a remote position but then assume and expect that you would be local by your start date? Had they made that clear at the beginning and in the process of interviewing? If not, then it’s not reasonable that they relied on that - moreover, made it out to be your fault for not providing THEM with transparency - to retract your offer. Sounds like they’re unclear, making a lot of assumptions, setting a lot of expectations, ultimately being unreasonable, with a bit of gaslighting thrown in. Furthermore, if they hire remote then they should stand up a process for onboarding remote. As everyone else has said below, these are not signs of a great employer. Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do about the situation, but I would urge you to not feel as though this is your fault and blame/hate/beat yourself down. The value they saw in you to make you an offer will be seen by another employer who will be a better fit culturally, organizationally, and morally. I know it’s still pandemic times and everything feels so uncertain but I have zero doubt that you’ll find a better place for yourself soon! Keep your head up!
SwethaRam's profile thumbnail
This has mistrust and gaslighting written all over it. Working there will be a nightmare, and it starts right on day 1.
chanstephanie's profile thumbnail
Focus on your upcoming interviews and find the right fit. This article is a great resource -- with interview questions! -- that will offer you insights into company culture and management!
ekg212's profile thumbnail
I’ve agreed with most of what I’ve read here and not to sound like a broken record but I have worked places with red flags like these - they made me change my plans (a cross country move included) or change my start date — ALL of those places ended up being insanely toxic and terrible experiences. You dodged a bullet. Do not hate yourself. It’s good that you found this out now.
keirabui's profile thumbnail
2 weeks is NOTHING and if they can't wait, it's their fault. You don't want to work for a company like that!
It could also be that they cannot support employing you in your new location. There are some logistics issues involved. I would not get hung up on the move issue. It could be they expected an employee in state A. Got one in state B and can’t support it. You should ask about their flexibility up front next time to save the agony.