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6 mths pregnant - so much I want to do yet rest is all my body wants - anyone else feel the same?

amandamulder'samandamulder·Jul 01, 2021
Posted in:Parenting
(LONG POST)I thought I'd share some of my story here in case there are other high achieving, career-driven, entrepreneurial, nomadic pregnant women out there who need to hear this: - you are allowed to rest, to feel tired, to be emotional, to forget why you went into the kitchen (seriously, all the time now), to not want to do anything, to not respond to text messages, to have judgemental thoughts, to be all over the place as you are changing and growing a new being inside you.- you are also allowed to be happy, thrilled, excited, so ecstatic that you want to post baby bump photos everywhere online, prepare the room and buy all you need for arrivalAs for me, I honestly did not expect to be expecting a child. I am 36 in August and a year ago I was single.I have been traveling the globe for 29 years, the last 6 years following my hearts calling and then end of 2019 I decided to ground in Spain. I had already met my now partner and father of unborn baby a year before but we went separate ways to continue our own healing journey. Wow-what a blessing.We met up again last July and we instantly connected again on a whole new level.We talked about kids but also how we now want to focus on our purpose in professional identity - 2021 would be the year we both take ownership as healers, coaches, spaceholders. At Christmas we told my parents we are not having children, done deal. Mom was devastated. Finally a relationship, my only child, and no kids!!!Well then, Jan 22nd I joined a 1 year coaching certification to level-up and commit to myself.Jan 25th I found out I was late. I am never late. Holy fucking shit. This is NOT the fairytale story I had imagined or seen on my insta friends posts. And say what, I am not 'supposed' to share this freaking shocking news with anyone, says who?!! For the first 5 months, I was in shock. Financially and somewhat mentally. we were totally not ready, though as we have both been doing our deep shadow work and on the path of self-dev, we know we are more than ready.Acting as a mother is what I do naturally in my coaching and healing work. And so this pregnancy has been my test, to be super duper compassionate, loving, caring with myself - as I am with others. To forgive myself for any judgement I have made about how I am dealing with the pregnancy, the stupid and non-motherly thoughts I have been having, for not being ready, for being ashamed of being pregnant and not wanting it whilst others are desperately trying...All this has been a gift from the universe. I get frustrated and annoyed with it sometimes, and that's allowed and ok!! By resting my body, calming my mind, connecting in with nature and the healing power of sound and movement I have been able to navigate these times. I had to ask for external help financially and that was so tough for someone who is independent and wants to do it on her own.This week has been a complete meh - I couldn't function whatsoever. And yet, there is a deep longing to be of service and give.These competing desires inside me are actually what is driving me crazy and so I surrendered with my feet up in the air and an idea came to mind...How about gathering a group of busy pregnant women who are tired and could use some rest and tlc right now? I would love to connect with other mothers to be (intentional or unintentional) and share with you a sound healing meditation that helps me relax. Let me know if this would interest you. I am an open book, I share vulnerably and authentically with others, to break the stigma of every identity I have been labeling myself as. And now, what motherhood and a pregnancy journey SHOULD look like. For everyone it's different. Thank you for taking the time to read. If this resonates, may it inspire you to focus on your own story and share your authentic voice.#permissiontobeyourself
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