This is an anonymous post from an Elpha member.

Worried about my career progression and impending motherhood

anonymous·Jan 22, 2020

Posted in:Advice

Hello everyone!When my husband and I were married, we decided that we weren't going to have kids. It was more his idea than mine -- I had always assumed that I would be a mother, but I loved (still love!) our life together, and didn't feel so passionately that it was an issue.Last year, my husband had a change of heart, and wanted to explore the idea. I found myself being thrilled and excited by the prospect! However, at 37, I've come to think of myself as very career-minded and focused on my professional development and progress.I have a job I love at a company I adore, and I've already been told that they see a big future for me here. I am so worried that I'm going to give this all up to be a mom. There are other moms on my team, and the work-life balance is really great, but most of them are already director level. I'm trying to be realistic, going into motherhood fully understanding that my priorities will shift completely. But I could use some reassurance that I can still have a successful future!

melissalucas·Jan 22, 2020

I am hopeful that your company, especially with role models for a good work/life balance, will surprise you positively. When I was in your shoes 25 years ago, not so much. But what I observe is that the world has come a long way.What doesn't change, can't change, is that yes there are tradeoffs being a working mother. There is a very wide spectrum from women who have a choice to stay home full-time, to part time, to full bore, no compromises career with whatever changes (including husband staying home or cutting back) and help at home that entails. I've not seen any real pattern to who ends up doing what; I think it is impossible to plan in advance what work/home balance will be best for you and your family. and they all entail compromise... and that is ok.So I'd suggest to you that both continue to learn about your company's attitude toward working parents, through careful observation and where you can, direct conversation. And sending positive thoughts for pregnancy, if you add that pursuit to your life!

anonymous·Jan 22, 2020

Thank you, Melissa. I appreciate your comments!

jgrayson·Jan 24, 2020

I don’t think that it’s a shifting of priorities, per se. It is more like having an additional priority to put on the list of things in your life in its own column. Professional, family, friends, etc. Kids are an amazing addition to your world and I think it facilitates making you a better leader because it just puts things into perspective in a way that is hard to describe. I won’t lie, in the beginning with the baby, it is really challenging because babies need so much and are so dependent on you. I struggled with the same decision, and now that I’ve had two kids, I wouldn’t change a thing. The thing that I would change if I could go back in time, would be to start sooner and stop putting it off because it has been such an element of growth and love and perspective in the world for me. Even if my career suffered negatively (however I don’t think I did), it was still worth it. I find kids make everything else so insignificant that your career progression becomes that much easier. Having kids made me want to work harder towards my professional goals in a way I don’t think I would have otherwise realized. Also, I am in the thick of it right now with an eight week old baby, and I am still saying this so I really mean it.

celestebancos·Mar 11, 2020

I have become much more goal-oriented and ambitious since having kids. I think having so much of my time already spoken for has forced me think very carefully about what I want to do with the time that’s left. I have to be very intentional in what I prioritize, so it’s really gotten me to think about what my dreams are for the future and how to get there. (Very very slowly and incrementally for now, but hopefully I can hold on to this same mindset as my kids get bigger and don’t need so much of my time and attention.)

allisonwhalen·Jan 27, 2020

When I became pregnant with my first child, I was terrified about how it would impact my career. What I found especially frustrating is I struggled to find positive examples of working mothers. It's MUCH easier to find articles about how tough it is. But what I found is - YES there are so many hard things (and I would echo everything everyone said about the role of your partner - this is CRITICAL), but I can honestly say that after I "found my footing" a few months back after maternity leave I was better than ever. I really came into my own and realized that, actually, being a mother was my superpower. I wasn't wasting time anymore, I was a much stronger leader, I was much more driven, and I was working so much smarter than ever before. My results proved it. Here's where I wrote about my experience: https://medium.com/do-not-erase/how-motherhood-enabled-me-to-excel-in-my-career-51bbd232d40a