On being a tech leader and a motherFeatured

quinneyeQ's profile thumbnail
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for being so honest with your struggles. I’m consistently amazed by all the women valiantly juggling their work and family responsibilities, especially with divorce in the mix. How hard it must be to stay sane! Kudos to you 💗“While I find therapy immensely helpful, I also “self-medicate” by being productive. — I found this bit especially compelling and relatable. I sometimes tend to fall into a funk when I feel like I’m not being productive enough, but then I realize that it’s because productivity can be a really powerful distraction from the tough external + internal struggles that live on in the background.
miriamfriedel's profile thumbnail
productivity can be a really powerful distraction from the tough external + internal struggles that live on in the background. <-- I find this really compelling, too! Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and stop and think about what is going on in the background.
miriamfriedel's profile thumbnail
Gah--for some reason my earlier comment published without the last bit. :) I wanted to say that I find that sentence (productivity can be a really powerful distraction from the tough external + internal struggles that live on in the background) really compelling too.
whitneycaneel's profile thumbnail
I really enjoyed reading your post! I'm turning 31 next week and my husband and I are thinking about kids in the next 1-2 years and I would be lying if I said I was somewhat scared about how I'm going to balance everything. I can imagine its a constant cycle of optimization to balance all the schedules (among everything else) and still make time for yourself at the end of the day. Honestly major kudos to you for being an all around super woman and holding it down like you do!
vickie's profile thumbnail
You worried about whether such a personal story could feel universal - I have to tell you I felt as if I wrote this entire paragraph myself:"Part of this is because I struggle with anxiety and imposter syndrome--am I doing enough? Am I working hard enough? Are my kids ok? While I find therapy immensely helpful, I also “self-medicate” by being productive. Unfortunately, my task list feels endless, so there is a lot of “medicine”: making sure the kids have school supplies and clothes, signing them up for (and taking them to) activities, organizing sleepovers, doing laundry, cleaning my house, going to the grocery store. I almost always work in the evenings after my kids are in bed, even if it is just catching up on reading or organizing my task list for the next day. I do try to practice self-care by exercising as much as I can, usually in the form of yoga, and trying to read something non-work related for at least a few minutes before bed. It sometimes feels like an endless cycle of optimization, and I’m working to allow myself more guilt-free relaxation time."I'm a PM in Silicon Valley with a 2.5 year old and another on the way, and that couldn't feel more spot on. Thank you for sharing on behalf of all of us!
Carenna's profile thumbnail
Hello Miriam, Thank you for sharing. You are right since there are so few women in leadership it is great to hear your story. I am hoping to become a mom but I am aLeader and one thing that has set me free of anxiety when it comes up is getting crystal clear what specifically I am nervous about because often it will tell me and then when I research it and find a solution the anxiety disappears, thankfully. Im glad you are working to relax because for me that has helped me to feel joy and peace so when I do lead I am coming from a place of service rather than carrying a burden. Learning about service leadership has been so freeing and changed dramatically how I lead. Hope that helps! All the best.💗
miriamfriedel's profile thumbnail
Getting clear on what I'm nervous about (even if it is hard) is hugely helpful to me as well. It is a good reminder. Thank you so much, and all the best to you as well!
Carenna's profile thumbnail
Glad that is helpful. :)
nata's profile thumbnail
Miriam and other mothers, it sounds so universal. I felt like the whole system is designed to push women away from the workforce. Going back to work after 6 weeks of maternity (my company was not big enough to give me at least 12 paid weeks). The guilt because I am at work and away from child and guilt because I finish the work at 5 PM but not at 8 PM as it was before. The daycare cost in San Francisco is around $2500 and a waitlist.
miriamfriedel's profile thumbnail
The guilt is a constant for me, I've just gotten better (mostly) at managing it over the years. Offering love and solidarity to you!
Carenna's profile thumbnail
I agree. This makes me sad too. If we had childcare at work so many more women would work and have a family. We need major changes in the US workplace.
nata's profile thumbnail
That is my point too, Carenna! The whole situation inspired me to create a platform for parents www.playfully.care launching in November this year. It will help find affordable childcare where you need it and give an opportunity for stay-at-home mothers to make an income. I am hoping that mothers on this platform can spread a word within their community and share this new service.
Carenna's profile thumbnail
That is great. Creating win-win relationships is key.